Zachary Zane

To submit a question for a future column, <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfLG5N-wcw9ITsf4Q4hhMwHF4hzl3Hvu-B4VNEtKN5_DZbXRw/viewform?vc=0&amp;c=0&amp;w=1" id="d80eced2-bab2-32e9-a3e2-33a026d975d7"> fill out this form </a> .

Dear Sexplain It,

I had been very casually seeing this woman for about a month before the pandemic (I think there were four dates, and we started having sex on the second). When everything shut down due to COVID-19, she asked me to be exclusive. Even though I didn't really see us going anywhere long-term, I agreed, because I figured I wouldn't be able to date or see anyone else during this time. So, might as well, ya know? It would be nice to have someone around while the world goes to shit.

She ended up spending a lot of time at my place. We supported each other when things got tough, we had a lot of solid sex, but the whole time she thought we were building our relationship, I was getting more and more guilty about using her. Now she really likes me and is excited about finally introducing me to her friends IRL. Meanwhile, now that things are opening up again, I just want to be done with her.

I feel bad for using her to help get me through this tough time and then suddenly disposing of her. Am I an asshole for breaking up with her now that the world is opening up?

COVID Cuffing

Oh, youre definitely an asshole. You never should have agreed to be COVID partners when you clearly weren't on the same page about what you wanted out of the arrangement. She naturally interpreted your agreement to be exclusive as a sign you were interested in developing a relationship with herthat's how dating works. You knew that, but you were selfish. Now you'll have to deal with the consequences.

Let's go back to the beginning of your fuck-up: You could (and should) have said from the start that you dont see the relationship becoming serious, but wouldnt mind having a partner during this stressful time. It would have been a completely legitimate suggestion, says , LMFT: Relationships can be exclusive and not make pretenses about long-term commitment, and this is especially true during an emerging health crisis when it was strongly recommended for folks to limit social and sexual contact with others."

Once your partner knew what you were looking for, she could have made an educated decision about whether she wanted to keep seeing you. Instead, you withheld your true plans. You probably feared that if you were honest about your feelings, she wouldn't have wanted to shack up with you. But thats exactly why you should have had the honest conversation, Francis says.

Ethical agreements happen when every party has all the information available and can make an informed choice. Your agreement was not ethical: You were withholding facts from her that you know could have changed her decision. "By keeping this information from her, you were not giving her the opportunity to consent," Francis explains.

I make this clear because you want to be exonerated from guilt for your self-serving and thoughtless behavior, and Im not going to do that. You played with her emotions and led her on during an extremely vulnerable time when the world is in chaos. You're an asshole. You have to live with that. But moving forward, you dont have to continue being an asshole. Thats where I can help.

You need to break up with her, clearly. But given the sticky wicket youve put yourself in, you need to be careful about how you end things with her.

Be definitive, and dont lead her on with platitudes like, Its not you, its me, says clinical psychotherapist , MA, LPC, LPCC. It will certainly hurt her, but at this point, what did you expect?

Wiley suggests sparing her the detail that you never had any intention of being in a committed relationship post COVID. Thats pouring salt on the wound.

If she asks what she did that made you decide to end the relationship this abruptly, tell her the truth: You just werent feeling it," Wiley says. Try to be understanding, and dont get mad at her for being mad at you. By thinking of you as an asshole, she may have an easier time moving on. At least let her have that. After breaking up, for the love of god, leave her alone, Wiley adds.

Alright, so I feel like Ive been pretty hard on you, but I will say, its not the end of the world. She will live and move on. And hopefully, you supported her as much as she supported you during the lonely months of March, April, and June. It wasnt all one-sided.

But moving forward, remember that your behavior directly impacts others, especially people youre dating, and especially people youre dating when theres a deadly airborne virus killing hundreds of thousands of people. If you dont see a relationship going somewhere, be direct about it. Give her the opportunity to make a decision with your true thoughts and feelings on the table.

If you don't, you'll forever be an asshole.

I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "...

Sexplain It: My Girlfriend Was Great in Quarantine. With Lockdown Ending, I'm Ready to Dump Her.

I'm a 22-year-old gay man, and I've been happily dating my boyfriend for 11 months. I'm in love with him. He's kind, smart, funny, and the sex is great. (He made losing my virginity a not-totally-awkward experience!)

The problem is, I'm constantly judged for being with him. He's 57 years oldmaking us 35 years apartand also happens to be wealthy. He takes me on nice vacations and pays for my dinners. Whenever my parents find out I'm still dating him, they go off about what a "predator" he is. I try to ignore what they say and focus on our relationship, but it's getting tougher, and I'm starting to worry they may be right. He treats me with respect, and I feel very autonomous in the relationship, but why would a man whos older than my father seek out a much younger men? Can our relationship possibly be healthy?

I dont have all the facts, but based on the information you provided, your relationship isn't necessarily unhealthy or problematic. You mention that he treats you with respect, and you feel autonomous. If you said you felt pressured to be with him because of his money or power, then we'd be having a very different conversation.

Still, I understand the concerns youre having about the age gap. The media portrays couples with major age gaps as gold-digger-y at best and predatory at worst (more on why that automatic assumption is wrong later). Your relationship is definitely unconventional by mainstream society's standards, although it's worth noting that in gay culture, it's far more common for men to have partners who are decades older. For one, our dating pool is already small, and we'd be making it even smaller by limiting our age range. Second, these older/younger relationships have historically fallen into mentor/mentee situations, where the older man introduces the younger man to gay culture and spaces. That dynamic isn't quite as common as it was, say, 40 years ago; now, with the Internet and more LGBTQ+ visibility and protections, you don't necessarily need an older gentleman to introduce you to gay bars, friends, and culture.

Anyway! When it comes to determining once and for all whether your relationship is unhealthy, I'd encourage you to look beyond your boyfriend's age. Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC and cofounder of , feels the same.

Age gaps in and of themselves aren't necessarily a problem, Caraballo says. The real problem is if power dynamics are at play: Are there times when you feel coerced or pressured to behave in certain ways?

The key here is separating your thoughts from your parents thoughts and figuring out what, if anything, makes this relationship feel unhealthy to you. If the answer is no, then you know youre simply letting your friends and family get into your head.

Another very good reason to push your parents' views to the side is their use of the word predator. Put bluntly, its homophobic. The "gay predator" trope "is something that cisgender, heterosexual people have historically used to align same-sex relationships/sex (especially between men) as some sort of perversion rooted in abuse, Caraballo says. "There are many valid reasons why someone would seek out younger partners and that's okay, as long as those interactions are psychologically, ethically, and legally consensual."

And at the risk of being canceled, I dont think its wrong or unethical for an older gentleman to be attracted to guys in their 20s. If you were under 18, it'd be a major problem; it's statutory rape for someone to have sex with a minor even if they claim to consent. But for your loved ones to say that youa 22-year-old out gay mancan't make your own decisions is frankly infantilizing. When I was 22, I was sleeping with folks twice my age. If anything, I was taking advantage of them because I knew how much they liked me. I was this hot little bitch who was in control the entire time.

So go ahead and analyze your dynamic without undue influence from your friends and family. If after careful analysis you realize there are some unequal power dynamics, and he is taking advantage of the age gap and his wealth to coerce you into things you dont want to do, then dump his fugly ass. But if you come to the decision that you feel like an equal in your relationship and are in no way being exploited, then keep dating your man. Let him spoil you. Live it the fuck up.

Oh, and sorry to burst your bubble, but this relationship isn't going to last forever. It's your first relationship and it's to the man you lost your virginity to. That doesn't mean you love him any less or you won't cherish the time you spend together. It doesn't mean you should break up with him now (if you decide everything else is okay in the relationship). It just means that, realistically, he will be the first of many men you date and bone throughout your sexual career. So enjoy him while this whole thing lasts.

Sexplain It: My Partner Is 35 Years Older Than Me, and I'm Worried That Makes Him a Creep

2) The Captain How it works: Oh captain, my captain! Have your partner lie on their back and hold their legs up straight in a V-shape. This grants you access to the booty. Enjoy! Why its good: Youve probably figured out by now that angles are the name of the game when it comes to anal. For one, you dont want it to hurt your dick. Two, you dont want your dick constantly slipping out every few seconds. (I purposefully did not include positions that often cause falling out.) This position allows for great angles, and its really hard to slip out if you'er the one penetrating your partner. @alliefolino

3) Crme Brle How it works: Your partner starts by lying on their side. Their arms are raised above them and their legs are bent. You then wrap one of your legs around your partners torso, keeping the other one straight. From there, its simple to start anal penetration. Why its good: This is the perfect position for lazy, morning anal. (Yes, thats a thingask any gay man ever.) It doesnt require a lot of work. Your limbs are intertwined. You can kiss each other's necks. Its the perfect way to start your day. @alliefolino

4) Extended Reverse Cowgirl How it works: Have you partner hop on top of you, facing the opposite direction, like its reverse cowgirl. Then have them lean back, planting the palms of their hands by the sides of your shoulders (or face) depending on the height of your partner. Why its good: Typical reverse cowgirl is actually tough to pull off in anal because of the angle. Most penises are fairly straight when erect, so typical reverse cowgirl will pull the penis forward, which can be painful. Extended reverse cowgirl solves that problem. @alliefolino

5) Fire Hydrant How it works: To start, get into regular doggy style, meaning your partner should be on their hands and knees in front of you. You should then get on your knees behind your partner with your knees inside their legs. You then raise one of your knees to a bent position. This will automatically raise your partners leg on the side. Their thigh will then be resting on yours. When done correcting, it looks like your partner is a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. Why its good: This position really is great for self-identified leg men because it feels like your partners legs are all over you while in this position. @alliefolino

6) Flatiron How it works: Have your partner lie face down on the bed with their knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort and to increase the angle of their hips, you can place a pillow under their lower abs. From here, enter them from behind and keep your weight off of them by propping yourself up with your arms. Why its good: You can go really deep in this position, and it feels so damn good. @alliefolino

20 Anal Sex Positions That Aren't Doggy Style

It's frustrating for us regular joe schmoes, but...it's just science.

<a href="https://www.lehmiller.com/" id="bf261440-a3c2-3d6b-a999-6893fa7d9f3f"> Justin Lehmiller </a> , Ph.D., author of and sexual health and wellness advisor to , recently reviewed the scientific research on whether attractive people have more sexual partners. In , he detailed three different studies, all of which pointed to the same conclusion: The really, really, ridiculously good-looking population really does sleep with more people. (That doesn't necessarily mean they're having more sexit just means their body count, so to speak, is higher.)

According to evolutionary science, there's a reason why "attractive" people would have more sexual partners. (I put "attractive" in quotes, because what's attractive to one person isn't necessarily what's attractive to another person.) Nevertheless, according to evolutionary psychologists, the physical features men are drawn to in women are supposed to be indicators of health and fertility, whereas the physical features women find attractive in men supposedly provide an indication of whether a man is able to provide resources, like food and shelter.

Evolutionary psychologists often argue that the traits we tend to find attractive in others have some adaptive value in the sense that they serve as cues of reproductive potential and success, Lehmiller explains. In women, these traits include things like , and in men, they include things like . So too, is supposedly a proxy of better health. If we evolved to be attracted to these traits, it would logically seem to follow that the people who possess them would likely have more partners simply because theyre more desired and, therefore, have more opportunities to have sex.

The Lehmiller reviewed found that both facial and body attractiveness were associated with having a higher number of short-term sexual partners (but not long-term partners) for men. For women, facial (but not body) attractiveness was associated with having more long-term partners but not short-term partners.

That was the only study Lehmiller reviewed that categorized sexual partners as short-term and long-term. The other studies just looked at overall number of partners. found that physical attractiveness was associated with having more partners in general.

found that women deemed highly attractive and unattractive by male study participants had the most sexual partnersmeaning that women of average attractiveness had the fewest number of partners. (The women's level of attractiveness was measured by a group of men who participated in the study, which obviously, is very subjective.)

While less-attractive women might have fewer opportunities to have sex than their highly attractive counterparts, they may be more likely to agree to sex when the opportunity arises, Lehmiller theorizes. This may be because they dont feel as though they can be quite as selective, or it may be that they are seeking a self-esteem boost through sex. He clarifies that this is all speculative, and further research would need to be conducted to support his hypotheses.

So yeah, in general, conventionally attractive folks do have a higher number of sexual partners, according to science. That said, it's necessary to keep in mind that beauty is subjective.

Attraction and beauty are in the eye of the beholder, so that raises the question of who is making the attractiveness ratings in these studies, Lehmiller says.

Ever get jealous of that one guy in your crew who seems to get way more action than everyone else? He doesn't even have good gameto quote Derek Zoolander, he's just "really, really, ridiculously good-looking."

Do Hot People Have More Sexual Partners?

Dear Sexplain It,

At the start of quarantine, I began subscribing to performers on OnlyFans . Theres this one performer that I love in particularlets call her Jessicaand she actually responds to my messages on the app. When I ask her how her day is, shes honest about it and doesnt reply with one or two sentences. She seems genuine. We dont talk every day, but she responds every time I talk to her. Over the course of three months, our conversations have gotten deep. We talk about our family, friends, and work. I feel like weve really connected.

She hasnt asked for any additional money or anything, and all Im spending is $9.99 a month. She lives in the same city as me, and I want to ask her out. Is that crazy? I wouldnt just ask out any random porn star, and I know this is her job, but I really think we may have a connection. I just dont know if Im being delusional.

I think I just fell in love with a porn star, Kanye West rapped a decade ago in Hell of a Life. What makes the lyric so powerful is that many men have had an interaction with a sex workerbe her a porn star, escort, or OnlyFans performerwhere we've fallen a little in love. And if the phrase fallen in love is too strong, weve at least felt some crush-like feelings.

My gut response is to say you should not ask out a performer on OnlyFans, even if they're being friendly with you. OnlyFans is used for selling photo and video content, but it's still smart business for performers to engage with subscribersit incentivizes viewers to continue their monthly payments. Engaging with fans through DMs is also a way to encourage tips. (Side note: I would recommend tipping your OnlyFans crush if you haven't been.)

A performer on OnlyFans might also be in a committed relationship, which often they don't advertise for fear of turning people away. (Personally, I dont follow any sexy thirst trappers on Instagram if their bio says happily committed with a marriage ring emoji. Fuck that. It don't want to think of you happily married to your husband every time you post a picture of your ass. It doesn't even matter that I will never speak or meet you. I just like knowing, in theory, that we could hook up. Is that dumb? Kinda, but thats how my brain works.)

Anyway, that's my gut reaction, but I don't have an OnlyFansmuch to the chagrin of my admirers. To double-check, I relayed your entire situation to multiple OnlyFan models to get their thoughts on whether or not you should ask Jessica out. Here's what they had to say:

I would personally advise against asking her out. If a woman wants to date you from her OnlyFans, she will take it off OnlyFans. (Meaning that shell ask you to message her on Instagram or for your number to text.) Leave that up to her entirely, one hundred percent. So, if you want to keep her happy and keep her feeling respected and comfortable, then I would continue the relationship you have on OnlyFans.

I want to start by saying that your experience with the OnlyFans model is indeed genuine. I form real, deep connections with my most loyal fans that are mutually fulfilling. The beauty of OnlyFans vs a regular porn site is that we can make these connections. But I would advise against asking her out because you have to recognize that you are a client procuring a particular service. That service is sex work and the majority of what we sex workers do is to provide genuine human connection. It doesn't diminish the relationship you have with your OnlyFans model, but it's important to respect the context.

"The only place I would meet a fan is at a convention like <a href="https://exxxoticaexpo.com/" id="b1599e8b-adb5-30da-afc2-a4fe4c8cd0fe"> Exxxotica </a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/avnawards?lang=en" id="7d03779e-0995-31d6-aeb0-1cdaf9e35310"> AVN </a> . I entertain thousands of people on my social media platforms but only about 1,500 to 2,000 people on my OnlyFans. With all that, theres definitely a lot of requests for meeting up, but Ive personally never met up with someone. If I filled everyones request to meet me Id never be home. Even though Ive built a pretty nice bond with several of my fans on OnlyFans, I would feel uncomfortable meeting them outside a convention."

"I love Onlyfans for this exact reason, you can become close with your favorite performers and build a relationship. Just remember that even mentioning meeting someone on Onlyfans is against the guidelines and could have you or 'Jessica' removed!

"Even though she hasnt asked for more money, your subscription includes one-on-one chats with her. Try building on the relationship more, see if she responds on another platform, or try sending her a gift from her wishlist with a romantic note. OnlyFans creators are at work 100% of the time on the platform. This doesnt mean there isnt hope to one day meet your favorite creator. Just continue to get to know her and tell her how it would be a dream to see her IRL one day!"

<h1> Sydni Deveraux The Golden Glamazon </h1>

"You should ABSOLUTELY NOT ask out this performer. Absolutely not. She is a performer and a sex worker. If for some reason she wants to change the nature of this transactional relationship into a different one, let her do it, and do not pressure her to do this either.

"And under no circumstances should you ever insinuate or ask to meet a performer on OnlyFans because it violates the Terms of Service (TOS) and you jeopardize their account being taken down, which will affect their livelihoods.

"As a sex worker online, I have the opportunity to chat with all types of fans from all types of life. And yes, sometimes these conversations can be considered deep. Do I enjoy these conversations? Sure, but once a patron, client or fan wants to take me out, meet up with me or date me this instantly changes the transaction.

"As an aside, if you're in the business of telling women what you want to do to them and with them sexually, try paying them first, especially when they are a performer or sex worker. You are taking up our time and bandwidth. This is our job. For many of us, we love our jobs. But nevertheless, time is money."

The clear answer is no: You should not ask Jessica out. As Deveraux and Torro pointed out, youd be violating the terms of service and could get Jessica's account removed. You cant mess with thatthis is how she makes a living.

Now, I know you love Jessica. Which is why, even after reading the advice from the OnlyFan performers, there's a chance you're still telling yourself your situation is different. Or perhaps this thought has crossed your mind: Well, I can ask her out, and if she says no, then I'll just be respectful and move on.

Listen, my friend: no. That's not what would happen. Her saying "no"which will almost definitely be her replyforever changes the dynamic of your relationship. Even if you respond to her rejection respectfully, so much of her appeal lies in your fantasy of being with her. When that fantasy is no longer there, the relationship is different. You may even feel the urge to unsubscribe, and that would suck for her. Remember, this is her livelihood. It would suck for you, too: You'd be left wishing you can go back to fantasy land.

Now, Ive written this advice under the assumption that she will decline your offer. BUT WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME?! you may be wondering in frustration.

Heres the thing: This isnt Jessicas first rodeo. She understands the relationship between herself and her fans. She knows that its inappropriate for you to ask her out. Thats why I believe that if she really wanted to meet up in the flesh, she would straight up ask you, Would you like to go out sometime? Or, as Sutra pointed out above, she would take your communication off OnlyFans.

But until the day comesif it ever comeskeep enjoying your talks with her (on OnlyFans), start tipping her if you havent been, and revel in the fantasy that is Jessica.

Sexplain It: I've Been DM'ing a Porn Star for Months. Now I Want to Ask Her Out.

Ive been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. Our sex has always been good, but about three months ago, I started thinking of my boss while we were having sex. I have no idea why my boss popped into my head, but she did, and I orgasmed to the thought of fucking her. The weird thing is, Im not even attracted to my boss. Shes probably one of the most boring people youd ever meet. She also has to be at least 20 years older than me. (I dont bring up her age as a reason for why Im not attracted to her. Ive been attracted to older womenIm just not sure if age plays a factor here somehow.)

Since then, Ive been thinking of my boss every time my girlfriend and I have sex. Now I cant orgasm without thinking of my boss, which I know is a problem. Ive been trying go get to the root of this problem, but I have no idea what it is.

My relationship with my girlfriend is going well. It changed a little because we decided to quarantine together, but actually, that's been really good. The only thing I can think of is that this all started when I got the order to work from home. But Im not sure how this relates. Please help me figure out why Im doing this and also what I can do to stop.

Youre not the first person whos fantasized about having sex with their boss. I just typed in boss into xnxx.com and over 27,000 videos appeared.

"This is a rather common sexual fantasy," confirms <a href="https://www.lehmiller.com/" id="bf261440-a3c2-3d6b-a999-6893fa7d9f3f"> Justin Lehmiller </a> , Ph.D., author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-What-You-Want-ebook/dp/B0776PYDNM?linkCode=ogi&amp;tag=menshealth-auto-20&amp;ascsubtag=[artid|2139.a.19523651[src|[ch|[lt|" id="10371c77-d1bf-36bc-a159-fc19877162fd"> Tell Me What You Want </a> and sexual health and wellness advisor to <a href="https://www.promescent.com/" id="ac8eaef9-3899-388b-ae7c-48de6ce8f97f"> Promescent </a> .

In the large-scale study on sexual fantasies Lehmiller conducted for his book, 62.5% of the people surveyed said they'd fantasized about being a subordinate who has sex with an authority figure, such as a boss or teacher. Broken down by gender, 56% of men and 69% of women reported having had this fantasy. So, Bossy Orgasm, you're definitely not alone.

Now that we've established that, let's figure out what your fantasy meansif anything at all. To get to the root of your question, I checked in with , sex therapist and author of .

If your sexual mind is like most other people's, one thing that gets it turned on is power, he says. The sexual mind loves power. And the fact that this woman is your bossand that she has the power to order you to work from homeyour sexual mind just thinks that's unbelievably sexy.

This could explain why you have the fantasy without actually being attracted to your superior. According to Synder's reasoning, its not your boss youre attracted to, but what shes a symbol of.

Now onto the fact that you can't stop thinking about your boss during sex. What started as a run-of-the-mill fantasy has morphed an intrusive thought. Whats more, this fantasy isnt just something that appears in your minds eyeyou also cant orgasm without it. Therein lies the larger problem, and Snyder has a theory as to why it's happening.

Your sexual mind is a lawless territory, he says. If you set yourself a rule for what you should and shouldn't fantasize about, chances are your sexual mind will try to break that rule.

That's why you can't just tell yourself, "Alright, this time during sex, I'm not going to think about my naked boss going to town on me." Your mind will go there, and the longer you futilely attempt to not go there, the more your brain really wants to go there. It starts obsessing about going there, until inevitably, it succeeds. (Enter an image of your boss wearing red lingerie and nipple pasties.)

Snyder notes that most atypical turn-ons grow boring after a while. This one, however, seems to have achieved an unusual level of permanence in your head. (What I was just describing!) This is likely due to the fact that youve turned it into an obsession.

One might define an obsession as any unwanted negative thought that causes you distress, says Synder. He adds that obsessions can be pesky things. Fighting them often makes them stronger. The best way to make an obsession go away is to not give it so much emotional attention.

Of course, this is easier said than done. As anyone with anxiety can attest, just dont think about it is about the least helpful thing you can hear. So here's what you need to do.

The first step is accepting that your obsession isnt indicative of a larger issue. It doesnt mean you dont love your girlfriend. It doesnt mean you want to actually have sex with your boss. It just means you have a common fantasy that was likely sparked by being attracted to elements of power.

The next step is to not judge yourself. Youre really not doing anything wrong. You need to fully understand and believe that.

Lord knows Ive had times where I struggle to finish, and I close my eyes to imagine that hot guy with a big ass I saw bending over to pick up his Amazon package. Do I do this all the time? No, of course not. I attempt to have sex where Im present in the moment and connected with my partner. But once in a while, when I need the extra oomph, my mind wanders. It happens. So when your mind goes to your boss during sex, instead of feeling guilty, just acknowledge that its happening, and tell yourself that its not a big dealor really, any deal at all.

What were doing here is trying to remove any power (no pun intended) from the obsession. Without power, the obsessive thought will leave just as quickly as it comes (pun slightly intended).

Id also switch up the type of sex youre having. Given that the brain is a highly complex and horny little organ, Im sure you can find something that will get you aroused enough and distracted enough to orgasm without thinking of your boss. <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g28710167/best-sex-toys-for-couples/" id="823eb2b3-3b36-359c-abea-70dfbcc15b70"> Bring in sex toys </a> . <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28421545/prostate-vs-penile-orgasms/" id="6fd60eff-bf90-3898-af4e-931e8def7ff8"> Get your prostate involved </a> . It's going to be tough to think about your boss if your girlfriend's fingers are up your butt.

Midsection Of Couple Romancing On Bed At Home

Id also run with your power arousal kink. Theres no reason to suppress it. Let it flourish. Try out some role play that involves a power differential. I'd say go ahead and even try out a boss/employee scenario. It might actually help decrease some anxiety you have around your fantasy. But if that feels a little too on the nose, Id stick with professor/student. Engaging in role play will allow you to embrace your turn-on, as opposed to running away from it (or feeling shame because of it). Its almost like exposure therapy.

You can also try out some <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28622546/bdsm-meaning/" id="234264fe-6687-3d92-acc1-d704232f82cd"> BDSM </a> (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism), which naturally integrates elements of power differentials. (Thats kinda, like, BDSMs whole deal.) You find yourself attracted to power, so have sex with your girlfriend while shes exuding power and dominance over you. You don't need to go too wild here. She doesn't need to tie you up and spank you as she calls you a little bitch boy. I mean, she can, but that's rather intense for BDSM beginners. I'd start by calling her madam, master, or perhaps, boss. Have her be in control. Let he dictate what positions you have sex and how/where you can touch her.

If all this sounds completely foreign, <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a22590901/dominatrix-bdsm-sex-tips/" id="ac0e3132-5e0b-3f42-a47d-63b6dfe36fbb"> head over here </a> for some intro BDSM material, as well as tips to engage in BDSM safely with your partner.

With all this, I think you should be set. Weve addressed how to overcome the mental component (through embracing the obsession) and the physical/arousal component (through exploring various forms of power during sex).

Soon, Id be willing to bet that your boss will be a distant sexual fantasy, only to return for a celebrity guest appearance once in a blue moon. And when she does pop up, you wont feel guilty, youll embrace it, enjoy it, and move on.

Sexplain It: I Can Only Orgasm When I Fantasize About My Boss

Of course, there is another element of danger civilians face when attending a crowded protest these days: COVID-19. As we know, increase the likelihood that the virus will spread from one person to another. And while protesting, odds are you won't be able to stand <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/health/a31158940/coronavirus-covid-19-what-to-know/" id="67136175-8b78-33a2-a210-134284595683"> 6 feet apart </a> from all the other protestors. Thats why if you attend a protest, you need to take precautions to protect yourself against both the virus and police violence.

For tips on safely protesting during the current pandemic, we reached out to Robert Glatter, M.D., Men's Health Advisor and emergency physician at Lenox Hill hospital and , an LGBTQ activist who works at the <a href="http://s.bl-1.com/h/cSm7fc96?url=https://avp.org/" id="27405515-00f2-3c55-a6ed-7af4c97a39c4"> Anti-Violence Project </a> .

Cruz notes that it's crucial to "safety plan" prior to protesting, given that the current demonstrates don't have permits, designated routes, or specific end times. "This is a mass mobilization of individuals who are feeling unrest," he says. "This is civil disobedience on another level."

That's why when protesting you need to take precautions. You will want to:

While you can go with a group, Cruz recommends having one specific person you're going to stick with the entire time. "This is because it's easier to keep track and reconnect with one person in case things escalate, and you need to end up running," he says. It can be too difficult to keep track of an entire group.

<h1> Share your location with someone not at the protest </h1>

It's necessary for a friend or family member who's not at the protest to know where you are. "I suggest you share your location with them, and set times to check in via text. Also let them know when you're home safely." If you do get arrested, having your location shared will let the person know at which precinct you're being held.

<h1> Wear a mask to prevent the spread of COVID-19 </h1>

It is critical to wear a mask when protesting to protect yourself and others from COVID-19, explains Glatter. "People talking loudly, spitting, and shouting, (as is common at protests) helps to spread droplets and aerosols more efficiently and effectively," he says. " <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2020/05/12/2006874117" id="1b95d3d0-dd69-3cc4-af1a-9ef6bd91e778"> Recent studies </a> indicate that the very act of speaking produces aerosolized droplets that can remain airborne for minutes up to several hours."

<h1> Write the local bail fund or National Lawyer Guild phone number on your arm </h1>

Cruz makes it clear that the goal is not to get arrestedit's to protest police brutality and systemic racism. However, in the event that you do get arrested, police will confiscate your phone, which is why you'll want to have your city's local bail fund number on your arm. You can <a href="https://brooklynbailfund.org/" id="2b6df00f-8763-31d8-a93c-1119c24e007b"> find your city's local bail fund number </a> online, typically at the bottom of the page or on the "contact" page. If your city does not have a local bail fund, you can go through the <a href="https://www.nlg.org/referral-directory/" id="8f4b4a50-54f4-3ca3-ae39-896e49040798"> resources page </a> at the National Lawyers Guild and try to find counsel if your area.

<h1> Say your full name outside the precinct </h1>

Depending on your city, Cruz says there will be activist/bail support groups outside of the precinct who will post your bail. However, they can't do so if they don't know your name. That's why it's important that you say your name to these groups. "Outside of that, say nothing to the police officers, except 'I want to talk to a lawyer,'" Cruz says.

<h1> Remove your face ID to unlock your phone </h1>

"I would remove your face verification because police could put the phone in front of your face to unlock it while you're handcuffed," says Cruz. You can just change it to a pin.

You're going to be out in the sun for a long period of time. And wear comfortable shoes that you can run in, notes Cruz.

Since you won't have many (or any) opportunities to wash your hands with soap and water, Glatter recommends bringing hand sanitizer to periodically clean your hands. As we know, <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/health/a31228344/homemade-hand-sanitizer/" id="55eb079a-853b-3a6a-a8fc-97adb2d1b131"> hand sanitizer can help stop the spread of the virus </a> . Additionally, you want to <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/health/a31158940/coronavirus-covid-19-what-to-know/" id="14e09ca9-f5a0-3e6e-a794-468dc3279bea"> avoid touching your face </a> , as that increases the likelihood of spreading the virus, too.

Bring bottled water and protein bars. Again, you may be out in the sun for a long period of time, says Cruz. While it's important to stay fed and hydrated, Glatter notes that there is a higher risk of contracting COVID-19 when you remove your mask and are inserting your fingers into your mouth. "Make sure you also wash your hands or use hand sanitizer afterwards," Glatter recommends.

Make sure your phone is fully charged before attending the protest. But in case your phone dies, you want to have a charger, notes Cruz. You want to be able to contact people, including the person with whom you're sharing your location and sending text updates. Since it can be difficult to find an outlet to charge your phone during a protestand especially during a pandemic, when businesses are closedconsider bringing a portable charger.

"Eye protection is key when attending any protests," says Glatter. " <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/health/a32031680/contact-lenses-coronavirus/" id="712cd78f-fe9f-3198-a31b-cd35a9956bf6"> Goggles not only reduce risk from the virus </a> , but they also help protect against exposure to tear gas, pepper spray, or flying objects or projectiles."

In addition to safety planning and bringing necessary resources, you also need to know what to do if police escalate with violence.

Here's what to do in the situation that you are:

The <a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/238262" id="c2522c62-b69d-3454-af85-e28291e1bdf7"> effects of pepper spray </a> can last between 30-45 minutes. It causes a feeling of bubbling or boiling in your eyes, temporary blindness, and eye pain. It may also lead to burning of your eyes and throat, wheezing, dry cough, gagging, and difficulty speaking. Glatter notes that people who inhale pepper spray may also develop sudden elevation of blood pressure which can precipitate a stroke or heart attack, and that those with who asthma may be at higher risk for complications. "People with a significant or prolonged exposure have died after contact with pepper spray," he says.

Pepper spray is a chemical irritant that leads to production of tears, a process known as lacrimation; it contains the same agent that provides "heat in chili peppers: oleoresin capsicum, says Glatter.

"The most important thing to remember is not to rub your eyes if you get sprayed. This will spread the compound deeper into your eye," Glatter says. Rather, you want to immediately blink allowing your tears to help flush way the oils contained in the pepper spray.

"Its recommended to begin with careful application of baby shampoo to the affected eye, followed by irrigation with copious amounts of water," says Glatter. However, he notes that you may need several liters to accomplish this. A small water bottle certainly wont suffice.

To begin with, <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertglatter/2018/11/27/tear-gas-is-especially-harmful-to-children-heres-why/#534b14927592" id="7a864c2c-4a65-3cc0-aa30-8926e2a6a9a5"> tear gas isnt a gas at all </a> , but a powder that is heated and mixed with a liquid or solvent. It is released from canisters as an aerosol, with irritants that incapacitate you by causing pain and burning to the eyes, mucous membranes, throat, lungs, and skin, Glatter explains.

"In fact, tear gas should actually be thought of as a type of <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3136963/" id="2cc29445-3df3-3aa5-ae8f-5ded8ee31957"> nerve agent </a> that doesnt just irritate cells, but <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5096012/" id="29acf611-843e-30e0-afef-d988dad26b3d"> activates specific pain receptors </a> , (TRPV1, TRPA1) leading to the intense and burning pain on all affected surfaces and membranes," he says.

Effects of tear gas typically begin within seconds and can last up to an hour, notes Glatter. They include, eye, nasal, and oral passage burning, difficulty swallowing, and drooling. Effects on your lungs include wheezing, coughing, a choking sensation, and asphyxiation. Glatter notes that people have died from being tear gassed. This is why it's necessary to act fast if police throw tear gas.

"Its important to get to fresh air, evacuate the affected area as soon as possible, and reach the highest ground possible," he says. "This is because dense vapor clouds of tear gas are heavier than air, and therefore, tend to stay close to the ground. If you were exposed indoors, its vital to get outdoors as soon as you can."

Glatter continues that you then want to take off your clothes and begin vigorously cleaning your body with soap and water. If possible, cut off clothing, rather than pull it over you head. You don't want to further expose your eyes and mouth to the nerve agent.

"Difficulty breathing after exposure should be treated with oxygen, bronchodilators, and steroids on scene if possible, followed by transport to the emergency department," Glatter says. "Chemical burns to the skin may require debridement, fluid resuscitation based on extent, and application of medicated dressings."

<h1> Do not protest if you're feeling ill </h1>

If you are sick, you should stay home and not protest, Glatter says. If you go to a protest and transmit the virus, you're not just putting the lives of others in danger; you're also hurting the protest's cause, as infected folks will need to stay home, too.

A Guide to Protesting Safely During the Pandemic

In response to the unjust police killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and other Black Americans, protestors across the world are taking to the streets to demand justice. While these protests often start peacefully, many grow dangerous as <a href="https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/05/george-floyd-protests-police-violence.html?via=section_recirc_recent" id="5eb7ee4c-ded0-3b4b-a514-504158fa474a"> police officers escalate with violence </a> , including the deployment of tear gas and...

A Guide to Protesting Safely During the COVID-19 Pandemic

I think a lot of people hear the word and immediately think of the '60s and '70s and sex parties, says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness ( ), a private members club for the adventurous.

But the term "swinger" doesn't just apply to your kinky uncle Robert who attended a swingers party a half-century ago. <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a32669888/what-i-wish-i-knew-before-i-became-a-swinger/" id="d42d5a5d-8c29-3fca-a1a9-53f3e23fd411"> Swingers </a> people in relationships who hook up with other people in relationshipsare alive and well today, and the practice of "swinging" might even be more common than you think.

<h1> So, who are swingers, exactly? </h1>

Swingers are married or coupled individuals who enjoy sexual experiences with other married or coupled individuals, explains Saynt. They may occasionally seek out unicorns (a.k.a. a single, non-coupled person) to add to their lovemaking equation.

Saynt notes that most swingers who attend NSFW play (sex) parties arrive together in a "quad," so they have no intention of sleeping with other people they meet at the gathering; they brought the other couple they want to have sex with.

Now, there are some couples who go to sex clubs and only have sex with their partner, or who have sex alongside another committed couple. This isn't quite swinging, and would more likely be defined as group sex or <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a32020408/having-sex-in-public/" id="b8cbff78-e388-3fa3-a41a-12c8add55a54"> exhibitionism </a> .

Swingers arent <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28648204/what-is-polyamory-gaining-popularity/" id="b34fba5d-cca5-3ef2-ae2e-f94fc6f62e4e"> polyamorous </a> , so they arent looking to have multiple romantic partners, Saynt adds. Rather, swingers are typically seeking sex with limited or no strings attached.

It's tough to know for sure. While we've recently seen an increase in studies looking at the <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28648204/what-is-polyamory-gaining-popularity/" id="a13bc854-457e-38b7-af78-2af61bbfc451"> prevalence of polyamory and open relationships </a> , there haven't been too many studies that explore the prevalence of swingers, specifically. However, according to <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/id/5467131/ns/health-sexual_health/t/swingin-set/#.Xs2H5hNKiuU" id="f04c3b37-30b8-3478-aba4-ebdd84e04950"> NBC News </a> , between 2 and 10 percent of married couples have done some kind of sexual activity that could be considered swinging.

<h1> Are there different types of swingers? </h1>

There are a few types of swingers, but the biggest differentiator is between a soft swap and full swap, Saynt explains. Soft swappers are those who dont have penetrative sex with others, whereas full swapping includes P-inV/B.

There are a number of reasons why a couple would choose either. Many times, swingers start off as soft swappers and then elevate to full swappers once both partners are comfortable with it, Saynt says. This may take years or happen the first time a couple swings together. Then, of course, there are plenty of couples who never make the transition to full swap.

<h1> How do swingers differ from folks in other types of open and polyamorous relationships ? </h1>

Here's where it can get a little confusing. Swinging is a specific type of open relationship. Thus, "open relationship" is an umbrella term that describes any relationship where members in the couple sleep with others (with the knowledge and consent of their primary partner).

Swingers often have more rules than folks in other types of open relationships. For example, swinging couples usually aren't comfortable with their primary partner being sexual without them, explains Saynt. Of course, this is totally okay. Any type of open relationship is fine as long as it's mutually agreed up by the two partners.

Swingers tend to have a more structured approach to sexual exploration because they have other commitments, such as children. The value they have on their commitments may make them apprehensive to non-shared experiences, Saynt adds. (Of course, people in other forms of open relationships also have children and find ways to make it work.)

The difference between polyamory and swinging is the emotional connection. Poly couples may have one or multiple partners they are committed to loving romantically. The swinger title is usually reserved for couples looking to expand their sexual frontiers, without having to expand their hearts, says Saynt.

<h1> Did you know the term "swinger" is actually dated? </h1>

It's a surprisingly dated term and one that really hasn't gained understanding amongst millennial couples, says Saynt, adding, "There's not really a replacement term; most younger couples simply describe their relationship more broadly as 'open.'"

If you and your partner are interested in swinging, you should consider attending a sex party. If youve never been to one before and dont know the etiquette, you can read up on our tips for sex party newbies <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a23119642/sex-party-tips/" id="6aefeb72-1a17-3dc4-ab4e-c7373c30c194"> here </a> !

When you think of the word swinger, you might hear Mike Myers saying the word in his iconic Austin Powers voice. ("Swinger, baby, yeah!")

What to Know About Swinging Before You Try It Yourself

I just had a slightly traumatizing experience. Over the weekend, I was out in the sun for the majority of the day. When I came inside, between getting dinner ready and FaceTiming some family members, I didn't get a chance to shower.

Fast forward to later in the evening, when my girlfriend and I were hooking up on the couch. She started going down on me, but then recoiled in disgust. She asked me why I wouldn't have thought to shower before we got going.

We've never had this issue before, but now I'm wondering how Im supposed to know when to shower before oral sex? Do you always have to, or is it just when you're sweaty? Is there a way to test whether youre good to go? Whats the rinse-off-junk etiquette?

Hot and Sweaty

Dear Hot and Sweaty, I hear you saying youre traumatized, but think about how traumatized your girlfriend was when she got within smelling range of your sweaty junk. (Unless, of course, youre someone whos turned on by B.O. and natural musk, at which point, you do you! No kink-shaming here.)

You have two main questions here, so lets break each of them down. The first is: Do you always need to shower before a BJ? No. Shes only called you out on this once, and presumably, shes gone down on you multiple times before with no problem, so you dont need to wash your junk every time. You just need to wash it off when youre sweaty and pungent.

Which brings us to your next question: How do know if your junk is in the danger zone? I actually reached out to a few friends to see if they had any tried-and-true methods for testing the smell of their groin region. If the smell is ripe and makes you wrinkle your nose, then you know you need a wash.

Adam, 28, explained to me the mechanics of the good old-fashioned finger test, where you touch your balls, then sniff them.

Usually I take my middle and ring finger and run them under my balls where they touch my thigh. Then I do a quick smell check to see how fresh they are, he says. If he smells any B.O., hell take a quick shower or just wash his junk with soap and water in the sink, then use a hand towel to dry.

Ryan, 33, remembers a "wafting" technique he'd use in his early 20s, when he'd often find himself sleeping over at one woman's house, andwithout showeringheading directly to see another woman. (You dog, Ryan!) He specially wanted to see if his junk smelled like sex. You kinda lean forward and pinch your underwear in front with your fingers and fan the air in there up toward your face, he says.

In addition to the patented Finger Test and Wafting Technique, youre going to have use some common sense. Did you just finish the gym? Have you been running around all day? Did you just get home from work in a packed subway car? Does the rest of you reek of B.O.? Or in your case, were you out sweating in the sun all day? If so, err on the side of caution and wash your dick, even if you cant smell anything. There may be a subtle scent too minor for the finger test to detect. (Its not a perfect science!)

Also, you don't need to hide or be ashamed that youre washing your dick. I think most women would really appreciate a man saying, Im a little musky, let me go quickly rinse. Its thoughtful! Its considerate! You clearly want her to enjoy the experience, tooas she should.

Just dont take too long to freshen up: 120 seconds max. I know it's fast, but fucking hustle, dude. (Remember, shes out there twiddling her thumbs while youre scrubbing away.) Strip out of your pants like they're on fire (or like you're about to get a BJ, because you are!), hop in the shower, and focus on your nether regions. Wash them off and get out. Don't get your hair or any part of your upper body wet. That takes extra time to wash and dry. Keep the shower head localized to your P&amp;T.

All of that said, just because you don't absolutely need to wash every time doesn't mean you shouldn'tparticularly if you have advanced warning that stuff's going to go down (get it?). I'm aware that sometimes you get a little surprise BJ. We love a surprise BJ! But if you think you may be getting one, then perform the common courtesy of rinsing beforehandor at least freshening up with a <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/style/a19548207/clean-your-butt/" id="3b3c632d-f59e-3acc-a6d5-02cdbee20c08"> wet wipe </a> . If you dont live with your partner, shower before you head over to her place or before she comes to yours. Shell not only appreciate your thoughtfulness, but youre likely to get a much more enthusiastic (and pleasurable) BJ if you smell fresh and clean. Really, I see it as a win-win for you and her.

Sexplain It: My GF Is Furious That I Didn't Wash My Junk Before Oral Sex

Luckily for you, I, too, am often late to the party. So I decided to do a deep dive into where the term "fuckboy" came from, and exactly what people mean when they throw it around today. (I also really wanted to make sure, I am not, in fact, a fuckboy.)

<h1> Where did the term "fuckboy" come from? </h1>

First, let's talk about where the word comes from, because its meaning has evolved over time. As <a href="https://jezebel.com/the-definition-of-fuckboy-is-not-what-bad-trend-pieces-1725157828" id="886998ae-36b2-3e3b-a573-555df1323720"> Jezebel notes </a> , the term "fuckboy" originated in African-American Vernacular English and Black slang. It grew popular through hip-hop music, including the 2002 song "Boy, Boy" by Cam'ron, where "fuckboy" refers to a man who's a faker. Fuckboys are also mentioned in the 2014 Run the Jewels song "Oh My Darling Don't Cry." In an interview with <a href="https://www.undertheradar.co.nz/interview/755/Run-The-Jewels.utr#ixzz3hUa7twN1" id="f6fb7d9d-f759-3120-a8cf-066832458cf4"> Under the Radar </a> , Killer Mike was asked about the meaning of the word in that song. He said: "The way you can identify fuckboys is because they are always doing fuck shit. Just the dumbest, weirdest, lamest possible shit ever."

There was a huge spike in search and usage of the word directly following "Oh My Darling Don't Cry," according to <a href="https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&amp;geo=US&amp;q=fuckboy" id="97892cff-0a12-3f61-a2a8-e086c784ad7e"> Google Trends </a> . The term peaked between 2015 and 2016.

Around that time, white people appropriated the word and tried to give it a different meaningthe one you've probably heard before in regards to sex, dating, and relationships.

<h1> What does that version of "fuckboy" mean? </h1>

Believe it or not, offers a definition of the word fuckboy. (Alternative spellings and styles of the word include fuck boy, fuckboi, and fuccboi, but the latter actually has a <a href="https://jezebel.com/a-brief-taxonomy-of-the-fuccboi-rip-1638331191" id="02a1dcfc-a86a-31f5-ac5d-d342c1962dde"> specific meaning in the fashion world </a> .) Of note, Google Docs also is not giving me that red squiggly underneath, so they, too, apparently know the word is legit.

A fuckboy is that guy the one who doesnt respect women, but relies on them heavily. Hes distant, doesnt care about other peoples time, and wont commit. Hes self-absorbed, does stupid things, and fucks with others emotions.

Can we take a moment to appreciate that dictionary.com dropped all dictionary pretenses, and went ahead and said that (in bold!) followed by an ellipsis?! I have half a mind to believe that dictionary.com was once screwed over by a fuckboy.

But back to the definition, which explains a few key elements of the term:

1) Its a man who doesnt respect women.

2) Simultaneously, hes dependent on women.

3) He engages in selfish behavior without caring whether or not he hurts women.

While this definition is a great start, it only scratches the surface of a true fuckboy's actions. Like, what are these stupid things of which you speak, dictionary.com? I need details. Examples. Receipts.

Not to mention, the definition is missing the the most prominent factor that defines a fuckboy's true nature: sex. A fuckboy is all about trying to get his dick wet. (A fuckboys words, not mine.)

The third most popular definition of "fuckboy" on urbandictionary.comthe go-to site on all slangposted by <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/author.php?author=mediocremind" id="451db06a-7ee5-3da8-a0b4-576f980151ae"> mediocremind </a> on February, 16, 2015, provides a careful analysis of how, exactly, a fuckboy behaves:

Asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for "pics" once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for "no reason." He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and can not withstand the dispossession of one of his baes, because he has more than one that's for sure. Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl's response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is "busy" but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical assholes who can not be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.

ShaBLAM. This was the level of detail we needed. This definition explains how a fuckboy will:

<h1> 1) Do or say anything (i.e., lie) to have sex. </h1>

This includes flattery (e.g., "You're so beautiful, baby. You turn me on so much."); saying he has romantic feelings when he does not (e.g., "But I really like you"); <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28433513/gaslighting-in-relationships/" id="dd0328e5-68c3-33ef-aa8a-0091b8ece857"> gaslighting </a> ("You always turn nothing into such a big deal!"); and groveling (e.g., "Please baby, I'm so sorry. I miss you so much").

<h1> 2) Simultaneously do the bare minimum to have sex. </h1>

This is the complex irony your 10th-grade English teacher was lecturing about. While all he wants is sex, a fuckboy wants to hang out in the most whimsical of times. TBH, Im not exactly sure what mediocremind was implying by the use of the word "whimsical" in this context, but Im assuming they meant late-night booty calls. Do fuckboys not get horny during the day? Are they the equivalent of sexual vampires? Unclear. But while their sole goal is sex, apparently they dont want it that badly. (But, also they do! The fuckboy paradox!)

Whats more, they dont text back promptly, and if they do, they only answer with a few words. Fuckboys want to have sex on their own terms without putting in any work.

It seems like fuckboys just like knowing that a woman is there, and they could have sex with her if they wanted to. They like having options. I think it's a power thing, IMO.

They seemingly combust at the drop of the pin! Cant hang out one night? A fuckboy will send you a barrage of texts calling you flakey (if youre lucky) or something far worse (if you're not). Call them out on their BS? Oh, fuck no, they cant handle that one bit. These boys are incapable of accepting any responsibility for their shitty behavior.

Dictionary.com started addressing the selfish behavior of fuckboys, but <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/author.php?author=mediocremind" id="451db06a-7ee5-3da8-a0b4-576f980151ae"> mediocremind </a> really brought it home. These guys literally dont care about anyone but themselves. Maybe the treat their boys with a morsel of respect, but probably not. They are users. They use women.

Its 2020, and still, somehow, you dont know what it means when people talk about "fuckboys." Its awkward because its too late to ask what "fuckboy" means (especially if someones called you one). Whenever you first heard it, you were too embarrassed to admit you didnt know what it meant, so you let it go, assuming the word would eventually fall out of mainstream vernacularbut instead, it's become ubiquitous.

Zachary Zane

Articles written by the author

Sexplain It: My Girlfriend Was Great in Quarantine. With Lockdown Ending, I'm Ready to Dump Her.

Sexplain It: My Partner Is 35 Years Older Than Me, and I'm Worried That Makes Him a Creep

20 Anal Sex Positions That Aren't Doggy Style

Do Hot People Have More Sexual Partners?

Sexplain It: I've Been DM'ing a Porn Star for Months. Now I Want to Ask Her Out.

Sexplain It: I Can Only Orgasm When I Fantasize About My Boss

A Guide to Protesting Safely During the COVID-19 Pandemic

What to Know About Swinging Before You Try It Yourself

Sexplain It: My GF Is Furious That I Didn't Wash My Junk Before Oral Sex

Here’s What It Means When Someone Calls You a ‘Fuckboy’

Out of Lube? Consider These 7 Household Alternatives.

I Think My Partner Is Cheating—but I Don't Want to Ruin Their Dream Job

The 10 Most Common Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced

How to Break Up With Your Partner in Quarantine Without It Being Awful

How The Real-Life Rock Hudson From Hollywood Changed the AIDS Movement

52 Sex Questions to Find Out Exactly What Your Partner Likes in Bed

I've Always Identified as Gay, but Now I Want to Sleep With Women. What Do I Do?

Men Are Balancing Shampoo Bottles on Their Penises...But Why?

Carmen Electra Had Sex With Dennis Rodman All Over the Bulls’ Practice Court

Most Democrats Would Not Consider a Long-Term Relationship With a Trump Voter