Gigi Engle

One of my favorite workshops I teach is a sexting 101 class. Its mostly bachelorette parties and middle-aged women who sign up, and Im totally fine with that. Its also BYOB so, you know, shit gets weird.

I started teaching after doing a lot of learning myself. This is something I needed practice with. I went to a bunch of workshops about dirty talk and bedroom communication, something that I objectively sucked at doing for a long time.

Id now classify myself as a porn star-level sexter.

When I was in my last relationship (like the one before I met my husband), I found that I was regularly running out of things to say in the sack. You can only tell your boyfriend how sexy and hard he is so many times before it becomes boring, you know? You can only tell your girlfriend how wet her pussy is for you before youre like, KK. Dope. Now what?

One night in November of 2016, with an open mind and reason- able level of anxiety, I made the journey uptown to Thirty-fourth Street in Manhattan for a dirty-talking class.

The class was held in a Midtown audition studio, the stomping ground for aspiring Broadway actors. The sound of a grand piano and off-key singing echoed throughout the space. Incidentally, I dont like theater people because they are all kinds of terrible (sorry if youre a theater person; Im sure youre great).

Despite the high energy that comes with theater hopefuls, there was something oddly appropriate about the location. Talking dirty definitely requires some acting, exuberance, and a positive attitude. Most of us dont wander around using dirty talk in everyday conversation, so talking dirty without it seeming ridiculous requires checking your inhibitions and adopting a different persona. Luckily, our studio was tucked away in the back so as not to draw too much attention to the fact we were there learning how to describe our cunts with ferocious adjectives and adverbs.

Sexting is a little like porn; its a fantasy.

My class, hosted by <a href="https://www.stripxpertease.com/" id="31396222-f70b-3265-a843-58a18e55dca6"> StripXpertease </a> , consisted of four ladies seated around a big plastic table in a glorified ballet studio, ready to get nasty for fifty-two dollars a pop.

What I loved most was how kind and nonjudgmental everyone was. It felt good to be surrounded by supportive women. After completing and reading our workbook exercises aloud, we went around the room and read a porn scene together. I didnt laugh once. I didnt even feel (that) awkward. We all wanted to expand our dirty-talk vocabularies and upgrade our bedroom skills.

I learned a lot in my two-hour workshop that night, including new internal question marks around certain sexy terms, such as meat curtains and sperminator. Were these actual words people used? I shuddered, imagining a partner saying, Im going to pierce your meat curtains with my sperminator.

I walked out of class feeling strong and empowered. My partner at the time probably could have done without the amount of times I said hard cock and pussy on the F train that night, but he was happy to see me so full of life and excited about something. You see, sexting and dirty talk arent something you just magically know how to do. So if you think youre somehow broken because you dont know how to accurately describe or feel comfortable with telling someone to come on your face, thats okay.

Sexting is a little like porn; its a fantasy. I love texting my sex partners extremely graphic fantasies about how I want them to fill me up in every hole and come all over my body. Meanwhile, I mostly have fairly regular sex and only do butt stuff on occasion. Technology has made all of this wonderment and fantasy possible. I mean, sexting is a relatively new thing. People have been sending dirty love letters since the invention of the written word, but sexting was born out of technology. Once we had instant messaging, we had sexting. Relatively speaking to, you know, the history of the world, its brand spankin new. Meaning, no one knows what the fuck theyre doing.

Cell phones and IM-ing sent our sex lives into the ether, making it possible to drag out foreplay over an entire day at the office. At the same time, you dont want to freak anyone out over sext, you know? There is always worry over whether or not youve crossed a line. You know what I mean. That eerily painful . . . response bubble could run you emotionally ragged.

Should I not have told her I wanted to suck her clit until she was begging for more? Should I have skipped the part where I suggested he toss my salad like a whirlwind?

More than that, its confusing when the person youre texting sends you something fucking gnarly and youre not down. Which begs the question: If youre sexually empowered, shouldnt everything go? No. Nope. Thats canceled.

Then, of course, comes the even harder part: transferring all of that nasty text into talk. Hence why I took a class on this. Ive gotten better, by the way. Ill share some secrets my instructor definitely did not teach me but should have.

Have you found yourself or are you currently finding yourself agonizing over a sext? Weve all been there, boo. If youre wondering how to take a sext to the next level, just add more descriptive words. If you think something might be too explicit, take a few words out. Keep it simple. Or not, you know? Sometimes you just fucking go for it and hope for the best. In general, the more detail with which you describe a sexual thing you want your partner to do to you, or vice versa, the better. Its like creative writing. You want the other person to be transported into your sexy fantasy for a hot minute.

The only thing that helps with the anxiety of sexy texting is doing it over and over again. Even then, its still nerve-racking the first time you engage with a new partner.

I managed to hone my sexting skills because of this tax lawyer I was semi-dating, semi-fucking in my early twenties. He had the most boring job in the entire world and therefore had the most in- credible imagination. He pushed me out of my comfort zone every single time he messaged me. We would send each other dirty, filthy sexts all day, every day whenever he was due to come to New York on business. I was constantly forced to reinvent what I thought was sexy and come up with new and interesting ways to turn him on. By the sheer volume of sexts, I became an expert. Thats all it takes, regular practice. The more you sext, the better you get.

Try weird shit. I know its scary and awkward, but you just have to do it. Think about your greatest fantasies and write them down in your phone notes. Send them in pieces to whomever youre sex- ting. Be creative with your sexts.

Listen to your partner and take notes. Sexting is trial and error. You have to test things out and see what works. Its highly likely some of the shit you say wont land the way you want it to. Just remember, this happens to everyone. Ive had plenty of sexts that ended in silence. Ive said some seriously fucked-up shit. I once told a guy I wanted to anally fist him. That didnt work out for me. I took a risk. I didnt even want to actually anally fist him. I had seen a porn vid with anal fisting and wanted to say it in a sext. Fuck it.

Now, I did learn from that experience. Mental note: If Im going to talk about anally fisting someone, perhaps I should figure out if theyre interested in anal stuff to begin with. Are they into having things up their asses?

Each person youre sexting has different preferences for what turns them on. If you talk about a gang bang fantasy and your partner doesnt seem to be into it or changes the subject, just take note of that and dont talk about gang bangs next time.

Other times I straight up just send pictures of my tits for effect. The little things, you know?

Ask yourself, Would I want this sext? Before you send a sext, any sext, ask yourself if youd want to see this message sent from another person. This will help you gauge whether or not this is a good message to send. Case in point, I wouldnt want someone to sext me about anally fisting me. I should have run that one through my internal barometer before typing it out willy-nilly and shooting it into the world.

When youre sexting, there is a lot of ego involved. It feels like shit to have someone tell you that what you sent is inappropriate or uncomfortable, either directly or with silence. Its easy to simply wrap yourself up inside your own head and vow to never sext that person again. This is silly and wont serve you. Be willing to take the feedback and move on with your life.

It really depends on your relationship with the person youre sexting. If youre with someone you trust, you can likely just got for it. Actually, you can pretty much always go for it with whomever it is youre seeing. If you send a sexy text and they affirm the text with a sexy response, youre in the clear.

Timing isnt everything with sexts of the text-only variety. When I say text-only, I mean no photos or videos. Obviously, a picture ... is a wonderful thing to receive, just maybe not when your partner is sitting at his or her desk with coworkers aplenty sitting around him.

My favorite time is when youre waiting for your partner to get home from a long day at the office. A thing I once sent an ex- boyfriend: When you get home, Im going to kiss you so much. I am going to stick my tongue down your throat until you choke, but in a cute way . Just yesterday I sent my husband a text that said, As soon as I see you, Im going to suck your cock. I miss your cock! Other times I straight up just send pictures of my tits for effect. The little things, you know?

If you know your partner is having a rough day, a hot text message can help lift their mood. Remind your partner youre at home waiting to get down and dirty. It can boost your confidence to be reminded that youre a hot piece of ass. Pretty much anytime youre feeling a little frisky, you can send a sext. Just remember to look out for the other persons response and tailor your messages accordingly. If they arent into it, stop sending sexts to them.

Dont sext them at work over GChat before asking what they are currently doing in that moment. If youre going to send a sext, keep it relegated to a persons phone. If a person has their screen open and you send a dirty message, you risk getting them in trouble or, at the very least, embarrassing them in front of coworkers. I once had a friend who was screen sharing during a presentation have a raunchy-ass GChat pop up from her boyfriend. Her coworkers teased her about it for weeks. Shes awesome and was able to brush it off and not give a fuck, but this isnt the case for everyone. If its going to ping on a screen other than their mobile, dont sext while theyre at work.

In sum, pretty much anytime is a good time for sexting as long as you know only their eyes will see said text message. My exes have opened their Snapchats during meetings and seen pictures of my tits. I wish I could say this has only happened once. It hasnt. Has this happened with my husband? I just asked him and he said, Ummmm . . . yes. I actually had to change the preview option on my phone so it doesnt show your messages because theyre so raunchy and I get so many of them. What can I say? Hes fine with it.

This piece has been adapted from Gigi Engle's new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/125018973X?tag=macsupaduinstalpa-20" id="f4b38b99-aae4-3640-a1d2-e454d2af4269"> All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life </a> , out Jan. 21, 2020.

I Teach People How to Sext. Here Are My Best Tips.

<a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a23508435/how-to-sext/" id="04bf0800-ebd1-39c9-a046-bdb2e93dda24"> Sexting </a> is an art we all can master. It allows us to explore fantasy in a safe and secure way, giving us a chance to test the waters on something we may not be totally comfortable with yetwhether it be bondage, anal, or whatever.

I Teach People How to Sext, and These Are the Best Tips I Know

"Cuffing season" has entered the cultural zeitgeist with full force over the last few years. It's been in the social landscape since at least 2011, when defined it as a time period wherein we stop having rampant sex after a summer of lovin and settle down with one companion to wait out the cold fall and winter months.

During the spring and summer, were in our most feral, wild states. We want to be in shorts, tee shirts, and swim suits. Were in a partying, social mode. Having a partner can feel like a bit of a drag when there are so many people to meet and things to do.

But once winter hits, all you want to do is cozy up with someone, stay inside, watch Netflix, and never go outside until the snow melts. It's easier to snatch a boyfriend or girlfriend before everyone goes into social hibernationat least, this is the theory. It makes some sense, when you think about it: We're more lonely during the winter, and we seek companionship to ease that loneliness.

Here's what to know about cuffing season.

Mature couple with hot drinks in living room at the fireplace

<h1> When does it start, exactly? </h1>

The timeframe varies from person to person, from website to website, from article to article.

All we know is that once cold weather strikes and prolonged indoor activity is imminent, people seem to start pairing off into oblivion.

Some people think it begins right as all those fun, fall activities start. Who wants to go pumpkin picking or on a hayride alone, ya know? Others think the time get cuffed starts closer to Christmas. (For some folks, the holidays can be pretty depressing and lonely as a single person. Besides, no one wants to attend a big office holiday party alone.)

<h1> When does cuffing season officially end? </h1>

Again, while theres no set date, it likely coincides with that first day of spring where its 55 degrees, and everyone starts wearing shorts, sundresses, and sandals.

<h1> Will my relationship survive once spring rolls around? </h1>

Whether or not a relationship will survive cuffing season has a lot less to do with the weather and more to do with the relationship itself. If you have a healthy, good, happy relationship that started as the weather was getting cold, it doesnt mean youll wake up and be like, Hey, I am over it because its warm! as soon as the sun comes out.

Afro american couple lying on bed and using digital tablet

<h1> What does "cuffing" actually mean? </h1>

To be honest, even definitions of "cuffing" vary widely, but the most popular answer by far is that it comes from "handcuff." As in, youve handcuffed someone to yourself, figuratively, for the season.

Its kind of cute, but also kind of creepy. We prefer to imagine that both people have consensually cuffed themselves to each other.

<h1> Should you cuff someone or not? </h1>

Its completely up to you. One strange part of the cuffing season phenomenon is how much people seem to buy into it.

Yes, winter can be a lonely time. It can be hard to be alone when everyone else seems settled. But there are positive aspects to singledom, too.

Winter is a great time for self-care. There are fewer social engagements you have to follow through on, so why not <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a25331992/cheap-gym-membership-deals/" id="4693edda-0344-360a-afe5-8c9935b63e8e"> get a gym membership </a> and <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a19530100/gym-workout-for-beginners/" id="477a8005-adb8-32b3-a369-8e1f04790dd3"> work on getting healthy </a> ? Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get some books and a meditation app to work on your head space.

If you want a partner, thats great. If you dont, thats great, too. Dont let cold weather be a determining factor in whether or not you want to settle down for a while. Good relationships are very rarely formed on the basis of simply not wanting to be alone.

The term cuffing season is pretty catchy, but thats all it is: A catchy phrase.

Have you ever been single around this chilly time of year, looked around you, and suddenly realized that literally everyone else has a partner?

What Is Cuffing Season, Anyway? Here's What The Phrase Actually Means.

The term "death grip," as it pertains to masturbation, was originally coined by the pioneering sex columnist Dan Savage. "It refers to men that on their penises-or in any fashion that applies a LOT of pressure, like humping a mattress-who later go on to have difficulty orgasming during partner sex, explains , MA, a certified sex coach. It can also lead to an inability to orgasm and issues maintaining erections.

This means you might be gripping your penis with your hand so tightly, that having sex with a partner (intercourse, oral, etc.) can feel unexciting or under-stimulating for you. Lets be real, a vagina or mouth is never going to be as tight as a hand. This is just science.

When your penis isnt feeling sensation (or very little), it can be a pretty terrifying thing-especially if you have no idea whats going on. One day youre getting off to your favorite hardcore porn, and the next day, when faced with an opportunity to have human-on-human contact, your penis isnt doing what its supposed to.

Here is everything you need to know about death grip, why we do it during masturbation, and some solutions to ensure it doesnt interfere with your sex life.

<h1> The Death Grip and Masturbation </h1>

First, lets state what the obvious: There is nothing wrong with masturbation . It is a healthy expression of human sexuality. Inviting a discussion of death grip into the cultural zeitgeist does not mean were suddenly anti-masturbation.

Whether youre single, in a long-term relationship, dating around, open, or polyamorous, masturbation is a wonderful way to release tension and get in touch with your body.

But, like anything in life, sometimes too much of a good thing can can have unpleasant consequences. While masturbation is awesome, it can just so happen that your masturbation techniques may have the potential to disrupt other areas of your sex life.

Humans are creatures of habit, and the same goes for our genitals," Martin says. "If someone gets accustomed to experiencing orgasm from a lot of pressure, changing to a context with less pressure and more subtle sensations can make it difficult to experience orgasm."

(There may be a link to masturbation with death grip and penile nerve damage, but there currently isnt enough scientific data to support this conclusion.)

<h1> Why Do People Use the Death Grip? </h1>

There are many reasons why someone might use death grip. The most obvious being: It feels good. You may start masturbating this way as a preteen or teenager, increasing force over time as your penis starts needing more and more pressure.

The reason people use the death grip may have something to do with sex shame. Limited access to sex education and religious restrictions on masturbation lead to many [male-bodied people] not being taught the proper way to pleasure themselves, says Daniel Saynt the founder of , a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops. Television and film representation of masturbation also doesn't help.

When you see highly amped-up versions of sex in porn and have no other form of education, you start to rely more heavily on hyper-stimulating images to reach orgasm.

Additionally, Martin says that young men are often so afraid of getting caught masturbating, that they develop death grip to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Cropped Hand Of Man Squeezing Lemon Against Cityscape

If you want to get around the adverse effects of death grip, you have to change the way you masturbate. Of course, this is a simple answer to a not-so-simple problem.

Martin says, Practice solo! When masturbating, use a light touch and use lube. Focus on what feels good. This might leave you frustrated at first, but try to remember this isnt an easy fix. Teaching you body to enjoy new and less intense stimulation will take time and patience.

As for what lube to try, we love . Its all-natural, long-lasting, and helps increase sensitivity. You could also experiment with -CBD lubricants that are usually used to increase blood flow to the clitoris. It can do the same for penises!

Changing your masturbation habits is the best way to manage desensitization on your own, but it's also important to talk to your partner. Let them know ahead of time that you take a longer time to reach orgasm, Saynt explains. Focus on other pleasurable activities so that all the pressure isn't on your orgasm. Agree to let go of the idea that you need to come in order for the experience to be enjoyable for you.

And no, you don't have to stop watching porn to overcome death grip. If you choose to take a break from it, thats totally up to you. It can be beneficial for some men to step entirely away from erotic materials when conquering other sexual concerns.

If you don't want to give up porn, Martin suggests an alternative that can keep porn in the rotation, and help you redefine your relationship with this kind of material:

Don't touch yourself while you watch porn. Soak up the images, savor it, get crazy turned on, she says. Then, turn off the laptop, go to another room, and replay the images in your mind while you masturbate. This allows you to tune more into the sensations in your penis, without distraction from all the input to your eyes.

<h1> If you slip up, forgive yourself. </h1>

With the inevitable frustrations that will likely occur when finding new masturbation ground, it can be overwhelming. You might find that you get so fed up, you go back to your old death grip ways.

That is OK! Forgive yourself and start anew. Old habits die hard. There is a reason for this saying, even if you cant forgive the pun.

The temptation to just take yourself to pound town and get it over with can be immense," Martin says. "And, if you do go back to your old habit after trying for a while, don't be hard on yourself. Just resolve to go longer next time, and eventually you will get there."

Are You Squeezing Too Hard When You Jerk Off?

Haven't heard of "death grip?" Thats OK. Not many people have, despite it being a widespread masturbation practice amongst penis-having people, far and wide. And not only widespread, but dangerous. Not in the life-threatening sense, but in the can-mess-with-your-life-and-be-super-annoying sense.

Are You Using a 'Death Grip' During Masturbation? It Could Be Messing With Your Sex Life.

A love egg-not to be confused with the -is a small, egg-shaped (go figure) vibrator. You insert the egg into the vagina, much like you would a Kegel ball. It usually comes with a dangling string or tail for easy removal, and in many cases, a remote to control vibration patterns while inserted. Some even have their own smartphone app! Technology is fun.

Most high-quality eggs will be made of body-safe silicone, and feature an internal motor that has a variety of different vibration speeds and settings. They are typically quiet, waterproof, rechargeable, and easy to store or travel with, Lorrae Bradbury, a dating coach and founder of the site tells Mens Health.

Love eggs arent exactly new on the sex toy scene, but they are rarely given the spotlight they deserve. They can seriously up the ante on intercourse (yes, you can leave it in during sex!), and foreplay. But where they really shine is during oral sex.

What does a a vibrating egg have to do with oral sex? you might be wondering. We have all the information you need. Here is how you can use a love egg to up your oral sex game. Consider this the revolution-and you heard it here first.

A 'Love Egg' Could Ramp Up Your Oral Sex Game

Love eggs are low-key the unsung heroes of intensifying pleasure, and we never talk about them! The vaginal canal itself , meaning pressure and stimulating vibration can reverberate through the entire pelvic region, offering immense pleasure.

A love egg gets the whole clitoral network involved. These little pleasure knobs create a lovely sensation of undulating pulses to the clitoris, vaginal wall, anal area, perineum, and labia, , resident sexologist of , Planned Parenthood's sex toy e-tailer tells Mens Health. Because the egg is smooth and larger than a pointed antennae-like structure typically found on a phallic vibrator with clitoral extremities, the sensation is more diffuse. It creates a more mellow feel which some folks prefer.

The vibration is a bit muted, offering a more subtle pulsation than a regular vibrator, which usually has more intense vibration. Wearing a love egg can increase arousal, make you more aware of your deeper pleasure centers ( ), and bring you closer to orgasm. The eggs come in various sizes, and you can pick a larger egg if you want a fuller sensation, Bradbury adds.

<h1> Love eggs and oral sex: A match made in heaven </h1>

Using a love egg during oral sex can greatly increase your partners overall sensations, offering deeper, full-body orgasms. Unlike bigger, bulkier vibrators, a love egg pops right inside the vagina, leaving the entire vulva open and ready for your mouth.

Deitsch suggests starting with the egg on the outside of the vagina, warming your partner up before inserting it into the vaginal canal. Use [your] tongue on [the] labia while [the] egg rests on [the]mons pubis. Then, place [the] egg inside vaginal opening while the tongue laps the clitoris.

Once inserted, you can proceed with business as usual, knowing that the egg is inside, handling those deeper vibrations and stimulating the G-spot, anterior fornix, and the rest of the clitoral network. It makes oral sex better, without having to do any more multitasking!

Bradbury says the hanging tail can add an element of excitement. You can easily bend the tail out of the way, so you can access your partners sensitive areas around the clitoris, clitoral hood, and vulva. You can also gently tug on the tail or rock it back and forth for more sensation against the vaginal opening and G-spot.

Focus on the external clitoris with your tongue. You can move around it in circles, a figure 8 motion, or up and down. Always remember to ask your partner what they like before you engaging in oral sex. Every vulva is different.

Now that you have all the information you need on love eggs and oral sex, the question becomes: Where do you get one?

My personal favorite is the , Bradbury tells us. Because it can pair with your smartphone, can sync with music or sounds, allows you to create your own vibration patterns, and is perfectly designed to press against your G-spot!

Deitch suggests trying the , with is a powerful silicone remote-controlled egg with 10 vibration modes. Another favorite is the , which ups the ante with 5 different modes and 5 levels of intensity, offering a whopping 25 vibration modes to explore. Plus, its totally waterproof so your partner can wear it while youre in the shower or bath.

Love eggs are an exciting way to bring more pleasure to your sex life. They can introduce an element of tease, edge your partner toward orgasm, be a hands-free option when you want to explore your partners body, and can add an element of public excitement and surprise, Bradbury says.

The jury is in and the verdict is: Seriously, you need a love egg ASAP.

You may have read the headline of this article and immediately thought, What the hell is a love egg? Youre not alone on that one, friend. Not many people know what a love egg is, or how its used.

A 'Love Egg' Could Help You Give Even Better Oral Sex

Meanwhile, it feels like so many guys are hesitant to try a butt toy because of the social stigma around putting things in the rear.

When this author decided to ask a bunch of dudes about their experiences, I was very skeptical. I doubt many people will be open to talking about this, I wrote to my editor.

Once I began asking around, I was proven very wrong indeed. Lots of guys have not only tried prostate massagers and experienced the many wonders they can provide, but many were open to sharing their experiences with Mens Health for the greater good.

Here are 9 real men on their first time experiences with a prostate massager. Stories have been edited for length and clarity.

"Sometimes the toy could make orgasm more intense as my muscles tensed around it, sometimes it diminished it. Sometimes it was better to pop it out again just at the point of orgasm. It was definitely fun, and Id use one again." - Charlie, 48

"I first used a prostate massager about ten years ago. After my divorce, I got more sexually adventurous and tried some stuff that my ex-wife just wasnt into. One woman I dated liked to insert a finger into my a*s and I really liked it. I had kinda sorta experimented with some butt play in my twenties, but being older gave it a new sensation, for some reason. So I went out and bought a vibrating prostate massager. My partner would use it on me while masturbating me or I would masturbate myself. As I was about to come, she would insert it as deep as it would go and the orgasms were incredibly intense. I love a prostate massager and I still use it frequently." - Jim*, 50

"When I got my first prostate massager, I didnt think it would be as good as fingers or a strap-on dildo. I thought it would just be an enhancement to jerking off or receiving oral. The massager was a stubby rubber-covered vibe with a slight bend and a remote control connected by a cord. The first time was awkward and took experimentation to find a good angle and grip. To help it get in further, I was laying on my back with a pillow underneath my bottom.

"At first I was using the massager and stroking my penis, but after a couple [of] minutes at a higher speed pressing against my prostate, I let go of my dick and focused on the massager. It felt good and the sensation was focused at first but when I started massaging my prostate in a circular pattern like my wifes fingers did I felt warm tingles spread over my crotch and a tickling buzz inside my shaft. I felt myself starting to shake like before. I pumped my hips a bit and the vibration felt like it was creeping up my body. I was even feeling it in my nipples and the back of my throat. I remember losing myself for a moment or two and just feeling everything. At that point the rhythm and vibration was intense and it was like my whole body was contracting. That was enough to push me to the edge." - Sean, 44

"I have tried it several times. While it was always pleasurable, I have yet to reach a P-orgasm. I use the Hugo." - Jon, 52

"I was given the <a href="https://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/prostate-toys/sp-adam-eve-larque-prostate-massager-92781.aspx" id="d97eb79c-cb41-3956-a33d-57b4e1765a74"> Larque </a> to review, and I'd never used a prostate massager before ... I was in my late 30s when I first tried it. I enjoyed it, and continue to enjoy P-spot massage into my early 40s. Prostate massaging is not a regular activity I do for solo or partner play; I like it in conjunction with penis stimulation." - Phil, 41

"I guess for me, the main thing is that I've never had one of those full-body prostate orgasms that you hear so much about-I don't know if I'm doing it wrong, or it's just the way my body works. It definitely makes regular orgasms more intense though, and I like the sensation of being full. Also, it's fun to use with a partner because it's a little power play." - Steve*, 24

"My one and only time with one was when my ex and I decided to get experimental. It was quite pleasurable after I got over the anxiety brought on by trying something new and my comfort level increased. She also had fun using it on me, and the orgasm I achieved was one of the more intense that Ive experienced." - James, 38

"After having my butt fingered for a while, a girlfriend used a G-spot vibrator on my prostate while giving me a BJ. When I came, I went temporarily deaf with ecstasy. Needless to say Im a big fan!" - Bradley*, 47

"My first experience was as an 18-year-old young, horny, gay male. I went to the local adult toy store when I turned 18, and the shopkeeper directed my naive self to the prostate massagers. I ended up purchasing the simplest one; a hard, black plastic one. I went home to experiment with this and locked my door and put the lube all over the massager and lay down and slowly inserted it, with a little pain at first. I wiggled it around until I finally found the prostate, and boy was I surprised!!! It felt amazing and I was instantly hard ... I began to masturbate making it feel even better. I came the hardest that I ever had, and much more pleasurable than I ever had. Overall this experience led me on a journey to exploring my sexuality as a bottom." - Greg*, 20

"The first time was one of the five best orgasms I've had in my life. It was a lot of fun and I have done it again a few times." - Mike, 41

*Names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.

What It's Like to Get Off With a Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is a butt toy designed to  . Massagers come in various shapes and sizes, but the point is to rest against the walnut-shaped prostate gland which sits a few inches inside of the anus. When stimulated, the prostate can increase orgasm intensity exponentially.

10 Men Reveal What It's Like to Get Off With a Prostate Massager

Monogamy, while the most popular relationship style, is not the only relationship style available. In fact, suggests that people in <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a20884371/polyamory-open-relationships/" id="78fdce6b-4f69-3d4c-ae3d-b9c6a6b6dcf5"> open or polyamorous relationships </a> are actually just as happy, if not happier, than those in monogamous relationships. Take that, societal norms!

<h1> What is an open relationship, exactly? </h1>

An open relationship is when two people in a monogamous relationship make the consensual decision to explore non-monogamy. This can mean a variety of things, including introducing new sex partners together or separately, or developing outside romantic relationships. An open relationship is a little like a an awesome Crock Pot recipe you made up on the fly: Its completely yours; it has no guidelines; and you figure it out as you go along.

To open your relationship is to go down the road less traveled, and you might not know other couples to model your open relationship after. That's where this guide to open relationships comes in. We'll talk about how to know if an open relationship is right for you, as well as what to do once you're in one.

<h1> Is an open relationship right for you and your partner? </h1>

Here are some things to think about.

Before you decide to pursue an open relationship, you should make a list of pros and cons, suggests , PhD., a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist: This will force you to come from a logical versus emotional place. If youre going to make an open relationship work, there cannot be any surprises-you have to know all of each other's insecurities and desires.

Make sure you and your partner are really on the same page.

"Youd be surprised at how many couples I work with where theyll both say they want to open up, but as we work together, one will usually reveal they like the idea more than the actual practice, says Mal Harrison, a sexologist and director of the <a href="http://centerforeroticintelligence.org/" id="5c68b238-03f8-3cd8-ad4e-aa15c006ed61"> Center for Erotic Intelligence </a> .

Don't do it to fix your relationship problems.

Listen up! Opening your relationship is not a way to fix a broken relationship. It's quite the contrary: You need to have a completely solid foundation and total trust in your relationship if you're going to open it up.

Trust in your relationship needs to be solid," Overstreet says. "An open relationship will not work if there are extensive trust issues."

If youre unsatisfied, unhappy, or dealing with other relationship issues (such as cheating), do not-we repeat-do not try an open relationship. It will crash and burn in a fiery apocalyptic hell-storm.

Harrison says that people she works with often think they want to be open, but it turns out theyre just looking for an excuse to be a massive jerk: Some people realize they really just have commitment issues, or some, internal power struggles where theyre really playing in the manipulation pool rather than practicing integrity.

Successful open relationships come from happy relationships, wherein both partners trust each other and simply wish to explore other sexual avenues.

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<h1> So you've decided on an open relationship! Now, how do you make it work? </h1>

Here are some tips to get the most of your open relationship.

Set boundaries.

You need to set clear and defined boundaries before anything happens. Are you allowed to form romantic attachments to other people or is it just sex? If you get attached, are you to drop the person immediately? How often will you get tested for STIs? Are both of you being non monogamous or just one of you? Will you share your experiences or have a Dont Ask, Dont Tell policy? Etc.

All of this may sound exhausting, but if you want an open relationship to work, its non-negotiable.

This is not a one-time conversation in the beginning, Harrison says. These are continuous discussions youll have throughout the waves of new experiences and feelings throughout your relationship.

Boundaries may shift and change depending on both partners comfort levels. Be honest when you feel like something needs to be adjusted.

Avoid stuffing and stacking your feelings," Overstreet says. "You are not protecting your partner or your relationship by not being honest about what you are experiencing. This can easily lead to resentment and anger that will cause further harm. Don't avoid having a tough conversation.

You need to stick to the boundaries-otherwise, it's cheating.

With clearly-set boundaries and expectations, you cant go pulling some shady stuff and label it part of your open relationship. You must act within the boundaries put in place and display integrity.

The second a relationship stops being consensual, cheating has occurred, Harrison explains.

You might be asking: How the hell can someone cheat if theyre allowed to sleep with other people?

Well, its actually quite simple. Cheating is when youve broken the trust of your partner. If you have set a boundary wherein romantic attachments are not allowed, you must honor that. If, in this scenario, you catch romantic feelings for an outside partner and dont end it, you are now being unfaithful to your primary partner.

There is a big difference between staying inside the bounds of your open agreement and violating the trust and freedom youve been given.

You might have to make adjustments to who you're seeing.

As you start to develop new couplings, you still have to make sure your relationship with your primary partner is sound. If one of your outside partners is causing tension between you, you may need to adjust the arrangements.

Harrison refers to two of her clients, Mikey and Lisa, who have a wonderful open relationship. At one point, Lisa started seeing Scott. While she didnt feel jealousy about Mikey being with other people, she became very jealous when Scott did. Mikey didnt like seeing how Scott effected Lisas overall energy and mood, so they spoke about it, and Lisa ditched Scott to find more compatible partners, Harrison says.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Open relationships are all about communication. In fact, youll have to check in, talk, collaborate, and discuss feelings far more often than in a monogamous relationship for it to work. There are simply too many spinning plates at once to go about it differently.

If you ever change your mind about anything, share it with your partner immediately.

Check-in regularly with one another about how the open relationship is going, Overstreet says. It's important to have a conversation frequently about what needs to be tweaked, changes, or boundaries that need to be established.

How to Make an Open Relationship Work for You

Are you considering opening up your relationship? There is nothing wrong with that. Really.

The Ultimate Guide to Making an Open Relationship Work

Why? It's accessiblea relatively easy way to spice up your sex life. You can use a t-shirt or necktie to create a makeshift set of restraints, or even buy low-key <a href="https://www.babeland.com/sex-toys/p/BL3071/sportsheets/under-the-bed-restraints" id="7ac28f5b-5aee-3ad9-a3b8-e18a64343365"> velcro handcuffs </a> . But, before you go tying your partner to the headboard, did you know there's more to bondage than tying wrists and hands? If you and your partner are both down, you might enjoy dabbling in breast bondage. Or foot bondage. Or yes, even penis bondage.

The goal isn't always to restrict movement; sometimes, bondage can highlight certain body parts, says , a BDSM educator and professional dominatrix. If you were to wrap your partner's torso in an intricate rope pattern, for instance, you might be "making that part of the body more vulnerable and sensitive, and creative various sensations both erotic and painful." Damn. Cue the full-body shivers.

Here are four different types of bondage you may never have heard of before.

Have you ever come across a photo of those intricate Japanese bra-like harnesses made entirely of rope? (If not, <a href="https://www.theduchy.com/shinju/?cn-reloaded=1" id="74599c59-dbef-30fb-a16a-83d36205c2dd"> check this out </a> .) The practice is calling Shinju Bondage, after the Japanese word for "pearl," explains Daniel Saynt, founder of , a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops with a focus in BDSM.

This type of bondage is designed to focus on the chest and arms, highlighting the breasts as a focal point. There are benefits to breast bondage because they don't contain any bones and yet are full of nerve endings, Saynt says. A love of breasts and an interest in nipple play and domination make for amazing sessions when breast bondage is included.

Are you intrigued? Aviva recommends searching <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbA7iqJc0Bc" id="8ddde968-1bf2-3d91-a3ea-e29ce3b7463f"> "simple chest harness" on YouTube </a> if you're just starting out and need a tutorial.

<h1> Penis bondage and ball bondage </h1>

Penis bondage, sometimes referred to as "cock bondage" or "chastity training," is a form of bondage that includes rope bondage and the use of "cock cages." The point of the play is to restrain erections. Ball bondage often goes hand-in-hand with penis bondage. They're essential components of cock and ball torture" (CBT), a form of BDSM that focuses on the penis owner's "chastity" for a role-play scene.

You might be thinking: Ouch. What? And that would be fairbut for those who are into it, its a very sexy form of power exchange; youre literally giving up control of your penis and balls to another person.

Exercise caution when trying this kind of play, and be sure to do your homework first. The goal isn't to cause damage, it's to enhance pleasure through the introduction of temporary pain, Saynt says. Always pay attention to discoloration or lack of sensation when binding the penis. (If you notice those things happening, STOP.)

If you're just starting out, opt for a penis cage that is stretchy and soft, like .

Foot bondage uses ropes to accentuate the feet. As you might imagine, foot bondage is sometimes tied to <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19086948/asa-akira-explains-foot-fetishes-cunnilingus-and-what-its-like-to-date-when-you-do-porn/" id="d4b68e29-ef7a-3861-a0ad-bf7ef803829f"> foot fetish </a> ; it combines the bondage aspect of BDSM with the love of feet.

But that's not the case for everyone, Aviva points out: Foot bondage can go beyond a fetish, as it can be used to immobilize the submissive partner by tying their feet to the bed or another piece of furniture. You can use smaller ropes to tie the feet up, creating foot-harnesses that feature the foot and toes.

If tying knots isn't your thing, you can use other foot-focused gear, Saynt says. Foot stocks and binders can also be incorporated into play, allowing you to enjoy foot bondage without having to be skilled at ropes."

<a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a22590901/dominatrix-bdsm-sex-tips/" id="e540b2e2-0781-374e-a815-794d559ab640"> The B in BDSM </a> bondageis one of the most popular forms of . Plenty of people are into tying their partner up, or being tied up by their partner, for that matterbut did you know there's more to bondage than restraining the wrists and hands?

4 New Ways to Use Bondage During Sex

It seems a little strange that you can go from being so pissed off to so <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g19536637/women-reveal-their-biggest-turn-ons/" id="ba476215-f4db-3b70-a1f4-e3df4137edf7"> turned on </a> , but in fact, it happens to a lot of people. Hence the term " <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19534964/sexual-experiences/" id="df04c5e3-280e-344e-a82f-00d12d2b7751"> makeup sex </a> ," the act in which couples who have just had an argument head to bedroom to hook up and make up.

Makeup sex is often super intensebut is it a good thing for your relationship? Is it a bad thing? Is it a little bit of both? Here's what you need to know.

<h1> Why does fighting lead to makeup sex? </h1>

After a fight, you'll find yourself full of intense energy that can often translate into erotic desire. "We've up some of the stagnant energy and buried resentments so that the erotic energy is moving again," says , certfied sex coach and clinical sexologist.

For some folks, having sex after a fight is a chance to release and relax. For others, the appeal may stem from a fear of conflict. When some people fight with their SO, their mind may go into disaster mode, thinking the relationship could be in danger. Makeup sex is a way of affirming that things are all good without having to get into the feelings talk.

"[It's] a way to reconnect after an argument that affirms that the relationship is intact and that each of you still desire each other," says , MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "It's a way to signal that even though you had a fight, you aren't going anywhere yet."

Even if you plan to talk about the fight later, in the moments right after an argument, your animal instincts take over. , a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex and Psychology, says that sex relieves stress[so] it stands to reason that makeup sex could help reduce feelings of stress and allow couples to move on faster.

<h1> Why is makeup sex so intense? </h1>

Makeup sex has a reputation for being some of the best sex you can have. But why? How is it that after being insanely angry with someone, you could suddenly want hot, passionate sex with them?

The phenomenon is called "excitation transfer," according to Lehmiller. Basically, the idea is that if you have carryover arousal from, say, a fight with your partner that you bring into the bedroom, it can make the ensuing sex more intense, he explains.

So, makeup sex is appealing because it brings us back to a state of connectedness with our partner, and its so amazing because our physiological and psychological states are so heightened from all the fight drama.

<h1> Is makeup sex good or bad for a relationship? </h1>

After a <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19527350/resolve-heated-fights-with-partner/" id="d743a20e-afe8-385c-a135-47519a51aeb0"> big fight with your SO </a> , you can go one of two ways: avoid intimacy as you both come down from your anger...or suddenly become super horny, and decide to have sex to smooth things over.

Gigi Engle

Articles written by the author