You know that feeling that boils up and pushes you to shout and get crazed when someone cuts you off on the motorway, or your kid makes a huge mess on the floor? Here's how to deal with it
Maybe you've been accused of having a temper before? Maybe you spend a good deal of your day furious which is often exhausting. You know that feeling that boils up and pushes you to shout and get crazed when someone cuts you off on the motorway, or your kid makes a huge mess on the floor.
Instead of lashing out, there's a way you can control your anger and make sure it's only used for good.
Read on for these five top anger management tips.
It's so simple, but so effective. When your blood pressure raises and you start fuming, close your eyes and take a deep breath in, fill your lungs then slowly exhale. Do this a few times to give yourself time to think, and prevent yourself from saying something you may regret. Breathing is a great way to calm you down and slow the pace.
Remove yourself from the situation
If possible, get some distance between you and whatever – or whoever – is making you mad. If it's your partner and a big fight is about to erupt, then have a timeout rule before the shouting match starts. Go your separate ways for 15 minutes where you can both gather your thoughts. If you are at work at someone says or does something really infuriating, if you can escape from them, to gather your thoughts go ahead, instead of lashing out. If you can't tell them you will respond over email so you can delay your response. Writing things down will mean you can edit what you say – not so when you go on a rage-fueled rant.
Focus on communicating your anger
This comes after the breathing and the time out if possible. Once you have calmed down as much as possible, get your point across but keep it cool. Don't yell, flail or swear. Rationally and logically assert what's going on, and why you are upset. If it's between you and another person, don't react to their anger and don't be mean. Just give the facts, and use 'I' without pointing the finger. EG 'I feel very upset when the house is untidy" or "I feel cheated when my opinion at work is overlooked".
Find the solutions
If it's the same things over and over that infuriates you, then find ways to solve them. Boss is a jerk? Find ways to avoid having to communicate with him or her where possible – email is a great thing. Are you children constantly messing up your car? Limit the possibility of them doing this – like no food in the car, or offer a reward system when they do clean up after themselves.
Dance, run, push-up, do yoga or walk the anger off. As soon as you feel your blood boiling, then turn that extra energy and power into a positive and go and get some exercise. It will give you a chance to clear your head, and exercise releases endorphins so its a win win.
But remember anger isn't always a bad thing. Anger is what can drive positive change, like if you see something so socially or politically unjust that you can't let it slide, that it makes you so mad, then that can be good, as long as you don't plan on going out and physically harming someone! If it means petitioning, speaking out, or contacting your local politicians then great!