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Dear Sexplain It,
I just had a slightly traumatizing experience. Over the weekend, I was out in the sun for the majority of the day. When I came inside, between getting dinner ready and FaceTiming some family members, I didn't get a chance to shower.
Fast forward to later in the evening, when my girlfriend and I were hooking up on the couch. She started going down on me, but then recoiled in disgust. She asked me why I wouldn't have thought to shower before we got going.
We've never had this issue before, but now I'm wondering how Im supposed to know when to shower before oral sex? Do you always have to, or is it just when you're sweaty? Is there a way to test whether youre good to go? Whats the rinse-off-junk etiquette?
Hot and Sweaty
Dear Hot and Sweaty, I hear you saying youre traumatized, but think about how traumatized your girlfriend was when she got within smelling range of your sweaty junk. (Unless, of course, youre someone whos turned on by B.O. and natural musk, at which point, you do you! No kink-shaming here.)
You have two main questions here, so lets break each of them down. The first is: Do you always need to shower before a BJ? No. Shes only called you out on this once, and presumably, shes gone down on you multiple times before with no problem, so you dont need to wash your junk every time. You just need to wash it off when youre sweaty and pungent.
Which brings us to your next question: How do know if your junk is in the danger zone? I actually reached out to a few friends to see if they had any tried-and-true methods for testing the smell of their groin region. If the smell is ripe and makes you wrinkle your nose, then you know you need a wash.
Adam, 28, explained to me the mechanics of the good old-fashioned finger test, where you touch your balls, then sniff them.
Usually I take my middle and ring finger and run them under my balls where they touch my thigh. Then I do a quick smell check to see how fresh they are, he says. If he smells any B.O., hell take a quick shower or just wash his junk with soap and water in the sink, then use a hand towel to dry.
Ryan, 33, remembers a "wafting" technique he'd use in his early 20s, when he'd often find himself sleeping over at one woman's house, andwithout showeringheading directly to see another woman. (You dog, Ryan!) He specially wanted to see if his junk smelled like sex. You kinda lean forward and pinch your underwear in front with your fingers and fan the air in there up toward your face, he says.
In addition to the patented Finger Test and Wafting Technique, youre going to have use some common sense. Did you just finish the gym? Have you been running around all day? Did you just get home from work in a packed subway car? Does the rest of you reek of B.O.? Or in your case, were you out sweating in the sun all day? If so, err on the side of caution and wash your dick, even if you cant smell anything. There may be a subtle scent too minor for the finger test to detect. (Its not a perfect science!)
Also, you don't need to hide or be ashamed that youre washing your dick. I think most women would really appreciate a man saying, Im a little musky, let me go quickly rinse. Its thoughtful! Its considerate! You clearly want her to enjoy the experience, tooas she should.
Just dont take too long to freshen up: 120 seconds max. I know it's fast, but fucking hustle, dude. (Remember, shes out there twiddling her thumbs while youre scrubbing away.) Strip out of your pants like they're on fire (or like you're about to get a BJ, because you are!), hop in the shower, and focus on your nether regions. Wash them off and get out. Don't get your hair or any part of your upper body wet. That takes extra time to wash and dry. Keep the shower head localized to your P&T.
All of that said, just because you don't absolutely need to wash every time doesn't mean you shouldn'tparticularly if you have advanced warning that stuff's going to go down (get it?). I'm aware that sometimes you get a little surprise BJ. We love a surprise BJ! But if you think you may be getting one, then perform the common courtesy of rinsing beforehandor at least freshening up with a wet wipe . If you dont live with your partner, shower before you head over to her place or before she comes to yours. Shell not only appreciate your thoughtfulness, but youre likely to get a much more enthusiastic (and pleasurable) BJ if you smell fresh and clean. Really, I see it as a win-win for you and her.