Soooo, what *does* it mean to be non-binary?

Non-binary's most basic definition is when a person's gender identity doesn't fit neatly in the male-female gender binary, or when a person doesn't subscribe to the gender binary at all, says , PhD, a sex educator and researcher based in Atlanta, Georgia.

\"There are many shades of gender, certainly more than two options.\"

That said, non-binary might mean something different to different people. So, its important to ask those who identify as non-binary what it means to them, she says.

Non-binary babe , host of the podcast says: To me, non-binary means being free of gender stereotypes, free from expected gender presentation, and free from gender roles. For non-binary print presser and archivist, Emily Snow Gross: Non-binary is an emancipatory signal that Im not comfortable with gender as a concept.

Important: If youre going to abbreviate the word, use enby, a.k.a. the pronunciation of "NB," but not the letters NB, which stand for non-Black.

To really get it, you need to understand the difference between sex and gender.

Sex refers to someones external bits, chromosomes, and hormones, explains , a non-binary licensed clinical counselor and gender and sex therapist based in Chicago. (In fact, gender reveal parties would more accurately be called sex reveal parties, just saying.)

Unrelated to your endocrine system or whats between your legs, gender identity is the internal sense of what your gender is, says McDaniel, noting that gender is not a binary. "There are many shades of gender, certainly more than two options."

When someones gender identity correlates with their assigned sex at birthfor instance, someone assigned female at birth (AFAB) who identifies as a womanthey are cisgender. When someones sex and gender identity do not correlatefor instance, an AFAB person who identifies as a manthey are transgender. And when someone rejects the idea of gender altogether? Or does not subscribe to the gender binary? They are non-binary, says Dr. Jenkins. (FYI: Some non-binary folks identify as transgender, and some transgender folks identify as non-binary.)

As sex educator and sex-positivity advocate, , explains: As a non-binary person, I feel a sense of freedom from the constraints of gender boxes and the idea of gender altogether.

What are some common non-binary gender identities?

Many others see non-binary as an umbrella term. Some other gender identities include:

• Agender
• Genderqueer
• Genderfluid
• Gender non-conforming
• Pangender
• Gender expansive

Is sexual orientation the same as gender identity?

Nope. People often mush-up gender identity and sexual orientation, says McDaniel. But theyre not the same. One is an outward projection of who you want to be with and sleep with, and the other is an internal sense of who you are, they say.

And for the record, the label you choose for yourself is up to you, and it shouldnt keep you from dating the people you want to date, McDaniel says. "Someone who once identified as straight might feel like their sexual orientation expands during their time dating a non-binary person.

How to be respectful of someones gender identity

Want to be an ally for the non-binary peeps in your life? Here are a few ways to get started:

1. Believe them. Let's start with the basics: If someone comes out to you as non-binary, do not question their w-h-y or try to disprove their identity. Take their word for it.

2. Educate yourself. Rather than asking your non-binary pals and acquaintances to be your personal tutors on the matter, Taylor recommends educating yourself on non-binary identity. This list of , courtesy of the Transgender Teen Survival Guide, is a great start.

3. Ask all people their pronouns. Some (but not all!) non-binary folks use gender-neutral pronouns. Most commonly: they/them/theirs. Others will use she/her/hers or he/him/hirs. To find out what someones pronouns are, ask.

Often, people only ask folks who look androgynous what their pronouns are, says McDaniel. But theres no one look associated with being non-binary, so the best way to be an ally is to ask everyone what their pronouns are.

4. Add your pronouns to your social media and email signature. [This] is a simple yet impactful way to normalize the asking/sharing of pronouns, support and spread awareness around non-binary identities and gender-neutral pronouns, and signal that youre an ally, says Kala.

5. Dont be nosy. You wouldnt ask a cisgender person who they have sex with or what their genitals are like, says Taylor. You shouldnt ask a non-binary person those thing either.

6. Respect their name. Some transgender and non-binary folks choose a new name to affirm their gender identity. Use this name! As Taylor says: If you can call Madonna, Madonna (which isnt her given name), you can call a non-binary and trans person the name they choose. FYI: Not doing so is called 'deadnaming.'

7. Dont expect a medal for respecting someones gender. When someone respects my pronouns, theyll often look to me for acknowledgment or kudos that they did good, says Gross. And while Im grateful they used my pronouns, I shouldnt be expected to congratulate someone for respecting me.