Its 2019, and achieving your sexual fantasy is hardly a difficult feat. But what if youve already found Mr. or Mrs. Right? Can you still live out your wildest dream as a couple? The short answer is yes. However, youre going to need to follow some pretty simple steps to avoid screwing it up.

Make sure youre both on board

First things first, do you both really want this? While taking your partner to a sex party might be tantalizing in theory, you need to make sure youre both on board. Its time to have a frank, open talk. Be honest, and encourage your significant other to do the same.

If you are a committed, emotionally monogamous couple and you want to try these things out, then you have to check that youre both in the same place, Cate Mackenzie, a Psychosexual Therapist Couples Counselor, Love Coach and part of COSRT tells Mens Health. It wont work if one person is pushing the other into trying a sex party.

Fantasy and reality are rarely one and the same. So, regardless of how much you discuss the idea beforehand, your first attendance is certain to be a real eye-opener.

One of our early fantasies was to attend a sex party, Aliki and Xander, a married couple who share their sexual exploits on their blog, Couple of Secrets , tell Mens Health. It was originally Alikis idea. The first time around we were pretty nervous, mostly because we didnt know what to expect.

Set some ground rules

If youre both certain that you want to give sex parties a whirl, its time to set some ground rules. You might have an idea of what you want (i.e. a good old-fashioned romp!), but you need to be 100-percent clear with each other.

Do you want to stay together as a couple all the time and invite others into your space? Or do you want to go off and have your own separate adventures?" says Mackenzie. Are you happy to be the voyeur-where your partner does things and you just watch?

Setting rules may sound dull, but its worth getting this piece of life admin out of the way. Plus, having a chat about what each of you wants to happen when you walk through the doors can be a thrill in itself.

Know what to expect

Lets say youre both newbies. Thats completely fine. Still, unless you want to make some awkward faux pas, finding out what to expect is a smart move. Each place has different rules and quirks, so its worth doing your research.

Before you attend a party, its worth checking the guidelines. You need to check what the dress code is, the code on protection, and how to set boundaries, says Mackenzie. You could email the place youre going to try out and ask how they handle newbies. They may [have a newcomer policy], as everyone is new at some point.

Dont dive in too fast

One thing you might not realize about sex parties is that you dont always have sex. Many people head to these clubs or private parties and merely watch the first time around. If the two of you are feeling nervous, dip your toes in the water.

Ahead of the trip, we discussed at length and agreed that communication is key, so we had an understanding of each others needs, Maria*, a 56-year-old woman who has attended Killing Kittens sex parties with her husband, tells Mens Health. Principally, we were not looking to have sex with other people, but rather wanted to express our own sexuality in the company of like-minded and fun-loving couples.

At our first party, we did have sex with others watching, Mike*, Marias husband explains to Mens Health. You could argue that just being at one of the parties is participation in itself. You can just watch. You don't have to strip off and dive in to be involved.

Pick a safe word in advance

But wait: What if things get too heavy and you want out? Its a valid concern. Luckily, safe words dont have to be confined to the realms of BDSM play. Before you head to the sex party, you could decide on a safe word between the two of you.

The idea of any sex party or club is that its consensual you dont do anything you dont want to do. Its always good to have agreements about safety, says Mackenzie. You could have signals if you want to get out of a situation. You could say banana if youre feeling uncomfortable and your partner will take that as a sign you want out.

Keep the party going at home

When youve untangled your limbs and said your goodbyes, the fun and games dont have to stop there. As soon as you get home or back to your hotel, you can keep the party going. Its all about letting the event fuel your passion.

Afterwards, we were so sexed up when we returned home that night that we ended up having sex pretty much all night long, say Aliki and Xander. The excitement of a sex party does not start the moment you walk in, nor does it end the moment you walk out. After a party, we always leave with plenty of sexy images, which spice up our sex.

Have a debrief afterward

After youre finally done and youve gasped back your breath, you may want to indulge in a little post-game analysis. How did you find the experience? What do you wish youd have tried? And, crucially, do you both want to attend another party or event in the future?

Before doing so, though, you may want to decide how much to share. You could both talk about what you enjoyed, what you didnt etc. However, you should check-in and talk about whether each of you wants to know, says Mackenzie. If you dont want to know, you need to acknowledge that too.

Whether you want to recount the events action play-by-play or simply have a quick debrief, chatting could help you to figure out whether it was a one-time deal or more. If youre ready to call it quits, you and your partner had an interesting experience. On the other hand, you might find that you just cant get enough of these saucy sexcapades.

*Names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.