Out of a job? So were Steve Jobs and Howard Stern in their 30s. Understanding youre not the first person to whom this has occurred can normalize your experience, says Geoffrey Greif, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work.
Own Your role
Blaming yourself-or someone else-for your problems only works for so long, says clinical psychologist Stephan Poulter, Ph.D. Owning up to your role in what went wrong can, on the other hand, be a truth serum. You might figure out what you want (a more engaging gig), what you were disappointed with (the lack of responsibility), or what your unspoken expectations were (more flexible hours). This kind of self-reflection becomes a compass on how to navigate moving forward, Poulter says. The next step: making the changes to address those discoveries.
And once you get rehired... Its easier to find a new job when you have a job. So network strategically. Seek out interviews, meet with mentors, mentor younger employees, and know how your field is evolving and if your skills are, too.
2. YOU GOT DIVORCED
First marriages that dont work out typically end in the 30s. The resulting big changes can take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to process, says Poulter. So let the dust settle, then use these strategies to saddle up again.
Write a New Story
People going through separation often have a problem of managing their stress, says David A. Sbarra, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Arizona. That in and of itself is a problem you have to solve. Its fine to go over forensics. (Is there a pattern in my relationships?) But an important element of recovery is stepping out of the story of how everything is terrible. For insight on your next move, reach out to those in similar situations (your buddy who split from his wife) as well as opposite ones (the guy at work who has been married for 25 years), suggests Greif. Talk to multiple people, triangulate, and create a new road map.
Embrace your core values. Doing enjoyable activities with people you like spending time with helps reaffirm the good: who you are and what makes you happy. This is an opportunity to do all the stuff you wanted to with friends and family.
3. YOU MESSED UP
Whether you crossed the line with a female coworker or made a tone-deaf, Matt Damonlike #MeToo comment, you need to address the issue.
Apologize properly My behavior was out of character. Im humiliated by what I did. Guess what, pal: This isnt about you. Its about the person you hurt, says Mens Health advisor Avi Klein, a New York Citybased psychotherapist. Acknowledge the impact on them-you made another person feel unsafe or self-conscious. It shows youre aware of the effects of your actions. Theres no end to how much empathy you can give someone when youve done something wrong, he says. Allow the other person to decide how they will interact with you (or not). Its respectful, and it also gives them the agency you robbed them of-important in evening out power imbalances.
Create a plan to make amends. It shows youre taking the problem seriously. Tell people that youll answer any questions. Its on you to start difficult conversations and make those around you comfortable enough to share concerns.