#AccraVsKumasi When OB Amponsah, the optometrist comedian, broke ribs with a Kumasiano

In a country where a lot more things can anger than excite, it's always good to have something like this to smile and laugh over.

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I have said before that the Ghanaian comedy space has found its feet and is on the verge of getting grounded.

 If you are a fan of stand-up comedy, or better still a lover of our brothers from Warri and the other Naija towns and suburbs who storm this country each and again, then you would have realised that the scene has changed a lot.

Some of us experienced the mastership of Fritz Baffour, Tommy Annan Forson, Kwaku Sintim-Misa from the old school (Hi KSM). Indeed KSM has become like the bridge between the oldies and the newbies. The new kids on the block have taken up the challenge and oh boy, are they delivering!

Shouts to Comedian Aglah, Khemical, Foster Romanus, DKB, Lexxy, Jacinta, OB, Kalybos, James Brown and all the young men and women who have made it part of their business to make us laugh, and to make us feel proud again as Ghanaians that our own can make us laugh.

Let me talk about OB Amponsah in this piece.

He spent 7 years in the medical school - I'm not sure if it was optometry he wanted to study or that was what the University pushed on him. Who cares. He learnt it and he's actually supposed to be called Dr. O.B. Amponsah. This is not a profile of the young man so let's leave some of the details out for later.

OB has deliberately decided to make his followers on social media laugh everyday. The things he says are the things that we know and indeed sometimes say to ourselves but he says them in the way that will make you smile, laugh and sometimes laugh out really out loud.

On Friday September 23, OB and another comedian based in Kumasi, Michael Owusu Afriyie decided to go at each other on Facebook with the hashtag #AccraVsKumasi in the spirit of fun and to give their fans a good view of what they have in their repertoire.

I think I probably laughed from the screens of my phone more than I did at the last comedy event I was at.

Let me share some of them with you, starting from OB Amponsah's missiles;

Playing Basketball with a Kumasi boy is cool. Until he makes one perfect shot and shouts '6 mi Ludo...'

Interviewer: Pronounce Parallelogram and get a job.

Kumasi Boy: Fa wa dwuma wate... Bayifoɔ...

General Question: How do you do

Accra boy: How do you do

Kumasi boy: I do the do, Na wo se lye bɛn

Accra Boy: Baby I wanna go down on you

Kumasi Boy: Ohemaa, ma me mbɔ wo lickings kakra erh...

Kumasi boys be like "Battle no ewu wɔ Remote nim"

Eyi Yaa Asantewa War mmom

Kumasi Senior High Schools prospectus looks normal, until you look at Number 5 on the List...

1. Black sandals

2. White drill

3. Khaki trousers

4. Camboo

5. ₵200 for excursion to Accra Mall

I visited my friend at Bantama. Left my phone on his table... He brought it back to me and went like "Onua, 3 missed calls afrɛ wo saaa, wanpicke''

Accra Dads: My child is very brilliant

Kumasi Dads: Me ba no deɛ, ɔyɛ Bright paaaa...

Kumasi Boys and Bargaining...

Shoe seller: Wei deɛ mentɔn, me de akyɛ wo wai

Kumasi Boy: Oh, Na te me so erh?

Kumasi baes after church be like "I really enjoyed the salmon today"

Me: Me too... Just that my Kenkey was small

Kumasi Boy: Baby, what is your name?

Accra Girl: My name is Belinda, My friends call me Rosemary, You can call me Rosalinda...

Kumasi Boy: Yooooo... ɛkwan ne wanim... Wo hyia me aa twam!

Kumasi Girl: Where will you take me to?

Me: Labadi Beach

Kumasi Girl:

 

Kumasi News Presenter: Yoo atiefoɔ, yɛnsa aka Honorable Alban Bagbin wɔ ahoma no so. Honorable, wo ho te sɛn.

Hon Alban: Hello, sorry... Can we have the discussion in English?

Kumasi Presenter:

 

Kumasi underground rappers names bi like

Pentoa, Mpaboa, Cabum, Nsafoa, Ɛta....

Me: Chale Efya den Becca get good vocals oo.

Kumasi gal: Yeah... Good paaa. They have good vulcano

Ask a Kumasi boy to speak pidgin and it would look like giving Akua Donkor advanced calculus to solve...

''Make we go, make we come... Jack dawge me koraa ne mo Pidgin Pidgin no... ɛnnyɛ me Motherland''

First of all, Kumasi Pizza is, laced with Garden eggs, slices of Okro, Dried Salmon and some onions...

I wonder why they do not call it Light soup rather...

Kumasi Boy at Tiptoe Lane

'Meetɔ laptop... Me pɛ Flat screen...'

A Kumasi boy will come to Accra, buy a new phone. Charger gets lost, He picks a car back to Accra to get a new charger.

You ask am why aa he responds ''Jack, wallanty dey top oo''

Kumasi Boy: Baby, send me a nude pic...

Kumasi Girl: Ei... I don't have a nude pic oo... Don't you want a naked one?

Kumasi DJs be like

'So the next track I'm gonna drop is from DJ Car Race, We the Benz...' (DJ Khaled, We the Best)

Hɛɛɛɛ!!!! Wonpɛ Tico?

The day I went with a Kumasi girl to Silverbird cinemas, she saw this and went like "OB, hwɛ, hwɛ, medi Abele wɔs''... I cried throughout the comedy movie...

 

I went to a Bantama church, was looking for the Lavatory. I asked one fine usher girl "Please I'm looking for the Lavatory"

She replied "Lavatory, Lavatory, Lavatory, ɛnnɛ wamma asɔre oo".... I died literally...

'Ma me waakye 2 cedis... Nwura nwura no 50pesewas, menpɛ taalia'

Hi Kumasi boys, we call it Salad... Nwura s3n?

 

Now let's share a bit of what Michael Owusu Afriyie did.

I must say I know very little of him. I followed him upon the recommendation of a social media friend. Clearly he's got a lot of comedy in him and his trolling skills are undoubtedly dope as well. Here goes;

The 1st time Accra has been ahead of Kumasi Congrats

 

Accra boys be proposing to gals like....

"Adey East legon..own iPhone7 and 2 Jordan sneakers. Ma poppy dey uptown too"

Well done.

Whilst we dinning with the Great Queen...somewhere inside Chorkor too Ohene bi ne GASMILLA 33kye Bayla.

 

Kumasi boy will "sweet talk" Accra boy and sell sawdust to him as tombrown.

Accra boys and peer pressure is like juju men on Facebook and "Friend Requests"

Accra boys be wearing Timberland boots at the beach and their girls will be wearing high heels. Why won't Mahama #toaso

Why do Accra women talk so loud as if their voices were gotten from China phone speakers?

Whilst Okomfo Anokye was commanding the golden stool from the sky, the Ga Fetish Priests were busily turning maize into dough for kenkey.

Ga Mantse jux called me and was like.... "Pls Pls..OLD ON...OLD ON...OLD ON"

OLD ON???

Well l don't get him so let me keep "NEWing ON"

Accra girls be having names on Facebook like... "SPENDILOVE EAST-LEGON BAE". Whilst in reality she go be..."TORGBOR AMARTEY CHORKOR DROSS KANKAN"

Accra boy in an interview in England

Interviewer: Wat is ur name.

Accra boy: Nii Armah Lamptey.

Interviewer: where were u born?

Accra boy: Africa.

Interviewer: Which part?

Accra boy: wat do u mean by which part? My whole body was born in Africa.

RACISM is when a circle boy can dupe everyone and get duped by some  Ashanti village boy ( from kenkyire)  who doesn't even know Kumasi.

Nuff said. OSEIKROM ne panin no.

 

Looking at ACCRA NAMES like.....

*NORTEY

*BORTEY..

*LARTEY..

*AMARTEY..

I now understand why BUKOM BANKU said *Every PAINTEY be PAINTEY*

John Agyekum Kufuor @ age 10; Daddy when i grow up i want to become the President of Ghana

Ayittey Powers @ age 10; Daddy when i grow up i want to beat Bukom Banku

Conclusion

In the end it was a lot of fun going around and it leaves me satisfied that we have a lot of talent here. It also makes me appreciate the tolerance level of the Ghanaian. In a country where a lot more things can anger than excite, it's always good to have something like this to smile and laugh over.

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